Today, my goal is to reply to every comment that's been left on this blog. I feel so bad that I've fallen behind and haven't replied to you guys! First, though, it's time for another teaser from my WIP, "Building Forts." In this tease, Callie's spending the night with Chase in the hospital (she snuck in). Chase is in the hospital because he's paralyzed. Hope you like it!
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It’s almost three in the morning, so we’ve exhausted all conversation topics from so, how do you use the bathroom when you’re paralyzed? to I like Chinese food, how 'bout you? to now, “There was a fire drill at school the other day.”
“We’ve had more of those since you started going here,” Chase says, then laughs at my dropped jaw.
I hit him, and wonder if he can feel it. “You’re a jerk.” The ultimate flirtation: hit a guy, and call him a jerk in a whiny voice while giggling. Chase smiles, so, of course, it worked.
“Speaking of school,” he says. “Isn’t this past your bedtime for a school night?”
I shrug. “I’ll skip tomorrow.”
“I’d love to go to school right now.”
“I’ll drink lots of coffee.”
The lull that follows isn’t the first of the night, nor is it the first time I use the silence to play the what-part-of-Chase-I-want-to-touch-the-most game. Anything below the belt is pointless because he won’t feel it, which is a weird twist of fate. The upper body is pretty foreign to me; Darren isn’t exactly one for foreplay, more of a get in then get out kind of guy. Chase has the abs for some foreplay, though.
There’s part of me that knows kissing him is ridiculous. There’s a bigger part of me that wants to kiss him.
So, I do.
It’s not a moment of bliss or ecstasy or anything that I felt with Darren. It’s awkward, a little wet, and we both keep our eyes open. I’m very aware—too aware—that we’re kissing. The world doesn’t disappear; we’re in a hospital, and no matter how much I want to, I don’t forget that.
I’ve never known a kiss to feel this real before. It’s nice.
I end the kiss, and wait for Chase to speak.
Apparently, he’s waiting for me to speak too, because his lips that were so active moments ago now are still as can be. “That was nice,” I try, even though it was better than nice.
“One word for it,” Chase says, and I want to hear the other words. “It wasn’t how I imagined it would be.”
That may be a bad thing, but he imagined it, and that makes me happier than it should. “What do you mean?”
“Well, it was my first kiss,” he says, and that surprises me. Guess everyone’s not as slutty as I am. “And I always thought I’d…walk over to the girl, take her face in my hands, and then kiss her. It was better than that, though. Kind of forgot about everything when you kissed me; we weren’t in a hospital anymore, it was just us.” He hesitates. “Also thought I’d be better at it.”
“You were good.”
“Thanks. You were amazing.”
“Practice makes perfect.” Right. Kiss a guy then imply that you’ve kissed many guys, many times, before. Way to make him feel good.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
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18 comments:
I like this scene alot. It's captured teh moment well in that it's awkward and sweet and quite romantic... Very nice
A very realistic teen kiss! I like what you did with it!
hah, I love the balance between Aww! and Awkward! here and really liked your realism in this - yay for cutting all the pretentious crap and getting down to the point. The whole part with "how do you use the restroom when you're paralysed? to I like Chinese!" bit was awesome. I think the randomness of their conversation and the whole situation in general adds a lot to this :D
I just love how realistic this is, honest awkwardness that makes me cringe a little because I remember moments exactly like this. Can't wait to read more!!!
Wow, I love the kiss. Very realistic. Detailed but not in an over the top sort of way. I'm also kind of left wondering about the anything below the belt is pointless thing. Will be looking for more. :)
Agreed, the kiss was great, so real! And I'm wondering what's going on too (assuming that Chase might be paralyzed...?). Great snippet, I'd read more :)
Yes, Chase is paralyzed. I'll edit that into the post :P
Individual replies to come, but for now a huge thank you to everyone!
Lots of great lines here, but this one's my favorite:
“One word for it,” Chase says, and I want to hear the other words.
Very good!
Haha, this is awesome! You capture that sense of awkward-cuteness of a teenage kiss so well!
"The ultimate flirtation: hit a guy, and call him a jerk in a whiny voice while giggling. Chase smiles, so, of course, it worked" - defs my favourite line! :D
OMG. This is amazing. I love the voice and this was such a very bittersweet scene. It's sad that Chase is paralyzed, but wow. I loved this.
Great tease! ^_^
Aww, this is so sweet! What a cute moment, and such great interaction between the characters. Well done!
Aw, this was sweet. I love his reaction to the kiss.
hey bri
I like this. I like how understated the moment is - it adds more depth to it overall. I also like your MC's internal dialogue re flirting. haha. Makes me like her :)
Awwwwww. I love how realistically awkward this is. Awesome tease :D
Haha..your MC sounds like so much fun. And she's so candid..admitting she's slutty. Lol.
The conversation's very real, very convincing :)
Such balance you have here. Loved how your MC went straight to business, no screwing around. And I like how realistic you presented both characters. Well, at the risk of repeating what everyone has already said: you're an awesome writer :D
Fantastic scene! The kiss is so real, and I love how your MC is so brutally honest with herself. I like the unexpectedness of it being Chase's first kiss, too, love the voice..yeah, pretty much love everything about it! :D
Alyce - Thanks so much!
Jill - Cool, thanks!
dysto - Whee, I'm glad there's a lack of pretentious crap. Cool, I'm glad you like the randomness and don't think it's too random :P Thank you!
Liz - Sounds strange, but I'm glad it makes you cringe :P Thanks!
Angie - Yay! I'm really glad people like the kiss because writing kisses has never been my strong suit. Thank you!
Ellen - I'll echo what I said to Angie. Thanks!
Angelica - Awesome, I always love seeing what lines stick out to people. Thank you!
Caitlin - Heh, I'm partial to that line myself: it's my go-to flirting strategy :P Thanks so much!
Raven - You're too sweet! Thanks!
deltay - Thanks so much!
sage - Thank you :)
Nomes - Awesome, thank you! :D
Vee - Thank you so much!
Bee - I'm glad she sound fun :) Thanks!
Glen - You're too nice to me. Thanks so much!
hound - Thank you so much :D
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