Thick Skin

On the Playlist: World Apart - Jars of Clay

This is a topic that comes up quite often around writers’ forums, I find, and it’s one I’ve wanted to address on this blog. I know I’m in danger of crossing a thin line with this post, so I will do my best to make sure that I’m very clear in expressing this opinion.

Writers need to have thick skin. We’ve all heard that, right? Many times, probably. It’s a statement that I don’t agree with. But, I don’t disagree with it either.

Someone who can’t take any criticism, no matter how constructive, probably wouldn’t have much luck as a writer. I won’t argue with that. But, is it fair for a writer to get upset at critiques that are more mean than constructive? Yeah, I think so.

I’ve only received incredibly helpful feedback from awesome people, so I’m not speaking from experience here, but rather as a witness. Also, I’m not innocent. I can be a little snarky in my critiques, but I’m trying really, really hard to change that. Why? There’s no need to be.

You can tell someone what’s wrong with their manuscript without being mean. It’s the difference between “this needs work” and “this is bad” (and yes, I’ve seen the latter, but with a really, really in front of it. Ouch.) Also, you can tell writers what they do right (play on words completely intentional.) I’m yet to read a piece of work where someone does everything wrong, or where I don’t see any potential in them/their story. So, I tell them what (I think) they do wrong, and what they do right.

I’m not saying lie, or give false praise. That doesn’t help anyone. But, come on, how many pieces have you read that are completely beyond saving? Not too many, right? There’s usually something there.

And this is where I’m told, “But, you need thick skin to be a writer. Reviewers won’t be nice to you if you get published.” That’s true. But, guys, we’re all in the same boat here. We’re writers putting ourselves in an insanely vulnerable position; we’re putting our work out there and asking for help. The least we can do is be kind to each other. Of course, we should critique each other, and of course, we shouldn’t lie, but I don’t get why that means we have to be jerks, or can’t be encouraging.

Most crtiqiuers I come across are incredible, and I mean that. This isn’t the majority, but it’s enough people that it bothers me a little.

Even more than this, what bothers me is when someone takes offense to a comment like “YA books are all crap” (invented, but we’ve all heard similar), and someone else replies with, “You’re going to need thicker skin than that to be a writer.”
I don’t buy it. Our skin doesn’t become thicker overnight; it’s a process. My skin is somewhere in-between, and I’m fine with that. Comments can hurt us. Rejections can hurt us. We can take offense to things. There’s no shame in having something upset you.

That doesn’t mean I think it’s cool for writers to throw tantrums, or that I understand when writers threaten to give up at the sight of a negative comment. But, we can hurt. Privately, sure, but we can hurt.

I feel like writers understand humanness better than most. We’re all just human. We’ll get hurt and we’ll get upset by critiques. We’ll get encouraged and motivated by critiques. It’s ok. Be cool about it, and feel what you need to feel.

And off the soapbox I go!