When We Need Our Novels

So, hi. It's been awhile, and I honestly am sorry for that. Excuses, excuses, but the past two weeks or so have been insane, and for once, it wasn't (entirely) because of schoolwork. I've had to make multiple decisions this week--some which I expected to make and others which were a total surprise--that will have a great impact on my life for the next twelve months or so, which meant that even when I had free time, all I wrote were pros and cons lists.

My novel is slowly--oh, so slowly--but surely on its way to becoming a coherent manuscript, which is something I have never had before. The plan was always to finish this round of revisions, put it away and draft a new project, then to revise it again. But, as all my plans for my summer and third year of university changed, I wondered if my plan for my novel should change, too.

I wasn't sure if I should even finish this round of revisions, because the novel has a lot of problems, I don't see it as that marketable (I know, so not a valid reason not to finish a project), I'm not sure I'm mature enough to handle the subject matter, I have better ideas and a better sense of how to execute them, etc. I could--and did--give myself a million reasons not to finish this novel.

Then I watched this video, and knew that I had to finish the novel:

Dance, and especially improv, play a major role in my novel. And, because I'm a cliche, Fix You is my novel's song. And, because I'm a dork, I often improv to it as though I'm my characters to get inside their heads.

These dancers are honest, vulnerable, and fearless with their emotions. And that's hard. But, from what I've experienced, I know that I'm happier, and that I have better relationships with people when I'm that open with my emotions. The novel's love interest is also an improv teacher, and what the dancers in that video demonstrate is exactly what he wants for his students, and for his girlfriend. 

It's exactly what I want for myself, not just a dancer, but as a writer, and most importantly, as a person. And I'm learning how to be like that as I write him as a teacher. If by some miracle someone else who reads my novel wants that for themselves, and my novel helps them get there, well, I couldn't ask for anything more. But, even if that never happens, I'm learning so much more than how to write from this novel. I'm learning how to live.

I'm honest with myself when I dance. I'm less honest when I write. I'm even less honest as a person. The honesty of dance helps me to write this novel honestly, which then helps me to live honestly.

All those other ideas I have? They don't include dance, which is fine, but I'm not ready for them yet. They're advanced classes. First, I need to pass the prerequisite.

I need to finish this novel. 

What aspect of your novel keeps you writing it, even when you want to give it up? What does your novel give you that you need?

Improving as a Writer

Recently, I posted about experimenting with genre, which was inspired by the poetry portfolio I completed for my creative writing class.

Today, I got that portfolio back with a...

GRADE.


Yes, that is bold, italicized, and underlined. As a scholarship student who needs to keep an A- average to remain a scholarship student, as well as a recovering perfectionist, that is how I view grades. I will not say what that grade was, but that it was one grade point (counting grade points as C-, C, C+ etc.)  lower than I expected. Yes, one whole grade point. If my grade had been the first comment I saw, well, I would not be calm enough to write a blog post right now (and on a writing blog, no less! I would have felt even more unqualified to write this post than I am, and trust me, I'm far from qualified.)

But my professor, bless her, left a comment on the top of the first page that caught my eye before the grade did. She said that my work is getting stronger and stronger.

And then I saw my grade, and was ok with it. Happy, even. To clarify, though I expected to do better on the project than I did, I did not expect to get an A, either. The best lesson I've learned since becoming active in the YA community is how many more lessons I still need to learn. And, though I'm not new to creative writing, I am new to poetry, so of course I wasn't going to master the style in a few weeks.

But I got better. And I think I'm getting better as a YA writer, too. That's not to say that every scene I write is an improvement on the last one I wrote (and that was not the case with my poetry, either), but that, generally speaking, I'm a better writer than I was a few months ago. And I think that's all I can ask for.

What about you? Do you see how much you've improved as writer? Can you recognize and remember that, even if you take a step backwards? Let me know in the comments!

THIS IS AN EXCITING TITLE

Despite how much I've neglected my blog lately, the lovely Taryn at Hope Junkie gave me a blog award! I appreciate it so much, especially since when she gave it to me, it motivated me to update my blog for the first time in weeks. So, thanks Taryn! And if you're not following her, click here, click on follow, and your life will become more awesome. 

Now, I am supposed to tell all of you seven random things about myself that you may think you never needed nor wanted to know, but trust me, you want to know. It'll give you so many things to make fun of me for.

1. I never use bookmarks.
2. I can't look at pencils, pens, erasers, crayons, markers, etc. when I eat. It really grosses me out? This was a problem when I worked at a daycare, and is quite inconvienent as a writer.
3. Thus far, in every novel-length story that I can't actually call novels I've written (as well as in my novels), after the main couple has their last break up (which either means they live happily ever after once they make up or...they don't), they spend the night together in an innocent, let's-not-have-sex-but-appreciate-each-other way. I did not realize this until a friend was like, "Hey, this scene is like that one in the other story...and the one in the other story." And so on. This did not stop me from doing it again.
4. I love reading acknowledgements so much that I consider it to be a reward for finishing a book.
5. I never used to use the ;) emoticon. I always thought :P was more appropriate and endearing. Now, I probably use ;) more, and feel more mature for it (but I still have a soft spot for :P.)
6. I'm infatuated with country music and its culture. The boys I've had the strongest feelings for have been from the boonies, and have driven pick-up trucks. Any wonder I relate to Taylor Swift songs so well?
7. I LOVE CAPS LOCK. I USED TO LOVE IT IN AN ~IRONIC~ WAY, BUT NOW I THINK IT MAKES EVERYTHING SO MUCH MORE EXCITING.

And now, to give the award to some more stylish bloggers! Again, if you follow this people, your life will become more awesome. Promise.
Caitlin Darrell at A (Sort-of) Life
Debra Driza at houndrat.com
Kathleen Peacock at Tales of a Writing Geek
Erin Jade at write me
Karla Nellenbach at The Last Word

Have a great day, everyone!