What's New in 2012

Happy New Year! I'm so excited to spend 2012 with you lovely people, and I can't wait to see what it has in store for the YA blogosphere.

I'm not one for new year's resolutions because 1. I break them 2. If you want to change your life, change it now! 3. The holidays are stressful enough, and 4. I break them, but I do love the promise of change the new year brings. In honour of that, I've made some (overdue) changes to the blog, which I'll briefly talk about. I'll also tell you what I plan to write and read in 2012, and then I'd love to hear your 2012 plans in the comments!

What's New in 2012

The Blog

The URL. This is the biggest change, and the one I'm most nervous about, because it inevitably leads to broken dreams links. The old url was briallison.blogspot.com, and the current one is bricarter.blogspot.com. If you link to my blog, you're awesome, and I'd appreciate it if you update the link. My blog should still appear in your dashboard if you follow me, and if you're noticing that's not the case, please let me know. Thank you!

The Layout. This was the fastest I've ever chosen a layout, which means it was a case of instant!love, which also means it could lead to a messy break-up. I'm not putting a ring on it yet, you know? But for now, I love it. What do you think, yay or nay?

Writing

Remember when I posted about the crazy story in my heart, and was all, "lolz I'll need to edit it if I want it to be a real story, get rid of the pregnancies and musical numbers, you know how it is."

Remember when I then proceeded to edit it and begin serious work on it? No? But come on, of course I did. I have a manageable story now that I still love, and the story's been so exciting to write so far. I'm reluctant to share the details, but I will say that it's the first time I've seriously tried to write from a male's point-of-a-view, which is definitely a challenge, but also refreshing to write. The plot's still a bit of a whirlwind, and I'm still getting acquainted with the characters, but hopefully I'll be able share some teasers from Arianna and Derek's story this year :)

The other big plan for 2012 is to revise Building Forts, and it's my first revision with awesome beta comments to take into consideration. I'm really excited to see what it'll become when all is said and done (before that, it'll look like me crying as I eat all the chocolate in my apartment, staring at a Word document), and I can't wait to check in with Callie and Chase again :)

Reading

Finally, these are all the 2012 releases I can't wait to read! 

Wanderlove - Kirsten Hubbard

This is Not a Test - Courtney Summers

Insurgent - Veronica Roth

Pandemonium - Lauren Oliver

Bittersweet - Sarah Ockler

The Fault in Our Stars - John Green

Tempest - Julie Cross

Beautiful Music for Ugly Children  - Kirstin-Cronn Mills

And that's not to mention all the 2011 releases I still need to read.

 What are you reading and writing in 2012?

Road Trip Wednesday: Who Should Narrate the Audio Book?

Road Trip Wednesday is hosted by YA Highway.

This Week's Topic:

If you got to choose a celebrity narrator for the audio book of your WIP or your favorite novel, who would it be and why?

When I hear my narrator talk, I don't hear the tone of her voice. I do, however, hear her attitude and emotion. So, this choice is more about the way my character speaks than it is about how she sounds. 

Chelsie Hightower, of So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing with the Stars fame, is who I would choose to narrate Building Forts as Callie. I have no idea if she can act--her dancing suggests that she can, but that doesn't involve her voice--but her attitude matches Callie's well enough that it wouldn't be much of a stretch.

I've posted a collection of Chelsie's quotes, many of which match Callie's personality. The most important part of Callie's voice is her snark, which I hear in how Chelsie's sarcastic with others and herself. Callie's also not the most eloquent of narrators, and Chelsie has multiple moments where she realizes what she's saying isn't quite right halfway through. I also think how Chelsie's sexy when she dances, but jokes about her sexuality and is a little tomboy-ish off stage, would translate well to how Callie can be so awkward during flirting and foreplay, but ultimately knows how to, uh, get the job done.

Who would you choose to narrate your WIP's audio book?

Road Trip Wednesday: Sing, Sing a Song...

Road Trip Wednesday is hosted by YA Highway. 

This Week's Topic: If your WIP or favorite book were music, what song(s) would it be?

I love this topic so much. I posted Building Forts' playlist awhile ago, and though those songs are still on it, it has changed from a focused playlist of twenty-three songs to a mess of, uh, 161 songs and counting, which you can see here if you're interested. Any song that reminds me of a scene in my novel makes the cut--whether because of music, lyrics, or both--and I can justify every song on that playlist (yes, including Like a G6), even if the connection's a bit of a stretch.

Needless to say, it was difficult to narrow my novel down to one song for this post. Many of the songs in the playlist represent specific scenes, so those are out, but there are also a fair number which fit the overall theme. So, honourable mentions go to every song by Thriving Ivory, "Car Crash" by Wakey!Wakey!, "Fix You" by Coldplay, "For Blue Skies" by Strays Don't Sleep, "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, and "Falling" by The Civil Wars. 

The song I think best represents my novel, however, is "Corner of Your Heart" by Ingrid Michaelson.

This was not the first song that came to mind when I read the prompt, because I don't write to it near as often as I write to the songs above. But, it is exactly what my MC, Callie, does throughout the novel. She has two romantic relationships, and though one is considerably healthier than the other, in both she gives the guy everything she has for next to nothing in return, her whole heart for a corner of his.

I also want to share this dance to this song, because I discovered it long after I began this novel, and was shocked by how the male dancer just is Chase. It's kind of ridiculous. He even has the right hair!

What song would your WIP be?

When We Need Our Novels

So, hi. It's been awhile, and I honestly am sorry for that. Excuses, excuses, but the past two weeks or so have been insane, and for once, it wasn't (entirely) because of schoolwork. I've had to make multiple decisions this week--some which I expected to make and others which were a total surprise--that will have a great impact on my life for the next twelve months or so, which meant that even when I had free time, all I wrote were pros and cons lists.

My novel is slowly--oh, so slowly--but surely on its way to becoming a coherent manuscript, which is something I have never had before. The plan was always to finish this round of revisions, put it away and draft a new project, then to revise it again. But, as all my plans for my summer and third year of university changed, I wondered if my plan for my novel should change, too.

I wasn't sure if I should even finish this round of revisions, because the novel has a lot of problems, I don't see it as that marketable (I know, so not a valid reason not to finish a project), I'm not sure I'm mature enough to handle the subject matter, I have better ideas and a better sense of how to execute them, etc. I could--and did--give myself a million reasons not to finish this novel.

Then I watched this video, and knew that I had to finish the novel:

Dance, and especially improv, play a major role in my novel. And, because I'm a cliche, Fix You is my novel's song. And, because I'm a dork, I often improv to it as though I'm my characters to get inside their heads.

These dancers are honest, vulnerable, and fearless with their emotions. And that's hard. But, from what I've experienced, I know that I'm happier, and that I have better relationships with people when I'm that open with my emotions. The novel's love interest is also an improv teacher, and what the dancers in that video demonstrate is exactly what he wants for his students, and for his girlfriend. 

It's exactly what I want for myself, not just a dancer, but as a writer, and most importantly, as a person. And I'm learning how to be like that as I write him as a teacher. If by some miracle someone else who reads my novel wants that for themselves, and my novel helps them get there, well, I couldn't ask for anything more. But, even if that never happens, I'm learning so much more than how to write from this novel. I'm learning how to live.

I'm honest with myself when I dance. I'm less honest when I write. I'm even less honest as a person. The honesty of dance helps me to write this novel honestly, which then helps me to live honestly.

All those other ideas I have? They don't include dance, which is fine, but I'm not ready for them yet. They're advanced classes. First, I need to pass the prerequisite.

I need to finish this novel. 

What aspect of your novel keeps you writing it, even when you want to give it up? What does your novel give you that you need?

Road Trip Wednesday: Favourite WIP Lines

Road Trip Wednesday is hosted by YA Highway.

This Week's Topic: What is your favourite line from your WIP (or from a book you read recently?)

Confession: When I read this week's prompt, the first lines from my WIP to come to mind were dirty jokes. Honestly, I'm quite proud of them. 

Most of those only make sense in the context of the novel, (see, they're complex dirty jokes), so here are two innocent lines from BUILDING FORTS that I'm proud of:

Anyone who lives as much as he does would die.

Guys, that's the first line. In other words, lower your expectations, because the novel only gets worse! 

The other line is:

 Chase and I share one of those smiles that make people hate you because you're hogging happiness.

What are your favourite lines from your WIP?

Picture This

The latest trend in the blogosphere seems to be sharing pictures that inspired your novels, and because I have no original ideas I want to be a cool kid, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and do the same.

But mine's a little different, because these pictures did not inspire Building Forts; instead, these are pictures I actively searched for that would fit the novel. These pictures help bring the novel back to life for me as I make my way through revisions. All pictures are from weheartit.com.

The coolest part of this search was when I found pictures that looked like a photograph of one of my scenes. It happened with the following pictures:

 

And my absolute favourite. The more I look at this picture, the more I realize how inappropriate it could be, but in the novel it's pure shirtless dancing fun.

Building Forts Playlist

On the Playlist: I Need You - Relient K

I love reading about others' writing playlists, so I thought I'd share mine for Building Forts. I've divided it into songs for the three principal characters (Callie, Chase, and Darren), and for the two principal relationships (Callie/Chase and Callie/Darren). Of course, some songs fit better than others, but they're all songs I've heard in Building Forts at one time or another. I've bolded the ones that are almost perfect for the story.

Callie:
Scars - Allison Iraheta
Dance in the Dark - Lady GaGa
I Can't Make You Love Me - Bonnie Raitt
Dear... - Maria Mena

Chase:
Angels on the Moon - Thriving Ivory

Darren:
Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons

Callie/Chase:
Fix You - Coldplay
All I Need - Matt Kearny
For Blue Skies - Strays Don't Sleep
So Pure - Alanis Morissette
18th Floor Balcony - Blue October
A Beautiful Mess - Jason Mraz
Hazy - William Fitzsimmons & Rosi Golan
Wonderwall - Vitamin String Quartet
Teenage Dream - Katy Perry
Listen to Your Heart - DHT
Hey Lady - Thriving Ivory
I'm On Your Side - Maria Mena
Beside You - Marianas Trench

Callie/Darren:
Cold As You - Taylor Swift
Two Steps Away - Patti LaBelle
Corner of Your Heart - Ingrid Michaelson
Chivas - Kelly Clarkson

I would love to read your playlists! Leave it in the comments, link to it, whatever, I'd just love to know what it is.

Teaser Tuesday

On the Playlist: Scars – Allison Iraheta (Callie’s theme song!)

Time for another tease! I think this is the fluffiest snip I’ve shared, and it may be a little too fluffy, but hopefully others enjoy the cheese as much as I do. I love Callie and Chase most when the fight, but it’s nice when they’re just sweet and squishable.

Chase was invited to teach at a dance convention (BEAT), and Callie is trying to show him how much he loves teaching to get him to agree. So, she took him to a park where he used to take his students to see if that inspired him.

---

“Teach me like you taught your students,” I tell him, climbing on top of the picnic table. “It’ll be just like the night we danced together in the cold, when you told me to dance like the wind.”

His grin twists into a smirk. “With the wind.”

I shrug. “Same difference.”

“Ok then,” Chase says. He’s still grinning and I kind of want to jump his bones. Minus the kind of. “Dance like the wind.”

I dance like the wind.

In other words, I flail my body around like a total spaz until I fall off the table and into the snow.

Chase is laughing one of those full, beautiful laughs, and all I want to do is capture the sound with my mouth and keep it forever.

I know that I’m why he’s so happy, and that’s a much better thought than I’m why he can’t walk, dance, or live. “You like me, don’t you?” I ask as I stand up and brush the snow off me.

“Yeah, a little,” he says.

“You really like me."

Chase nods really quickly. I love it when he moves.

“Why?” I ask. It’s not that I’m some insecure girl who doesn’t believe that anyone could like me, but rather that I honestly don’t know what’s likeable about me.

“Well,” he says, wheeling himself over to me. “You’re fun. And yeah, you may not care about many people, but you give the people you care about everything you have. It doesn’t hurt that you’re really hot, either.”

Wow. Who knew?

“I like you too,” I tell him. “A lot.”

“Why?” he asks, his tone teasing. He’s close enough that I can feel his words on my lips. Seriously, he needs to figure out how to keep his dick up so he can do me now, right here in the snow.

I wonder why people think I'm a slut.

“You’re sweet,” I tell him. “And your passion for people and life is just really cool and inspiring.” I smirk then say, “It doesn’t hurt that you’re really hot, either.”

Finally, our ridiculous grins come together, and we make out like the horny, happy teenagers we are.

Stage One of Get Chase Back on BEAT was a failure.

That’s ok. I’d rather have him with me than have him teaching again.

Teaser Tuesday

On the Playlist: Lead Me On - Gloriana

It's teaser time, and this one is a little different. It's still from Building Forts, but it's from Revision Land, though it's still unedited (uh, yeah). Before I created the chapter this scene's from, Callie and Chase met, had maybe two conversations, got into the accident together, then were like LOLYAYLET'SDATE, which isn't really like either of them. So, my goal with this scene (and others) is to make the development of their relationship a bit more natural.

Callie and Chase met a couple of hours ago when their families had dinner together (well, officially met. They'd been ~intrigued~ by each other before). Moira, Callie's aunt, asked Chase to give Callie a tour of the apartment building, which neither of them actually wanted to do, but they did anyway. They're on that tour now. So yes, this is pre-accident, pre-relationship, pre-everything.

It was fun writing a scene so early in the story to see how my characters have changed. Callie was even snarkier :P

---


“Oh!” Chase says after we pass the mailboxes. Apparently, the keys can be tricky, but you just need to jiggle them a little! Seriously. Kill me now. It’s the only chance I have to die happy. The next stop on the tour is sure to send me into a spiral of depression that will turn me into one of those women who yells at daytime soaps while eating ice-cream on Wednesday afternoons, a.k.a my beautiful, incredible, pathetic mother. “The laundry room! I can show you the laundry room!”

I really hope he’s making some sort of joke that I don’t get.

Chase legitimately runs to the laundry room and I fake enthusiasm by saying, “Are the washers top-load or side-load?” Totally believable.

“Side,” Chase answers, bored. Uh, dying a slow death is my bit. He is totally trying to steal my thunder.

And the rumors are true, the washers are side-load. I lean against one as Chase explains how to start them—useful, but I hate that he talks to me like I’m some sort of dumb spoiled brat. I mean, I am a spoiled brat, but I’m not stupid—and then I’m flying across the room.

I look behind me to see that the door opened. I turn around to find Chase pretty much pissing himself laughing. Charming. “What was that?” I ask.

“That machine has an attitude problem,” he answers. “Too much pressure and she snaps.” He walks over so he’s leaning against the washer on my left. “This one,” he says, “This one’s scared. It never starts, just makes excuses: too full, the door’s not locked, et cetera. And then this fighter,” he hits the machine on his left, “Does every job it’s asked to do, even when it’s given so much detergent that it gets sick.”

Chase sits on the fighter, so I sit on the one that’s terrified of life. “I started doing everyone’s laundry after my parents divorced,” Chase explains. “Just to make things easier on my mom, you know?”

“That’s sweet.” I’m actually not being sarcastic.

“Anyway, I got to know the machines,” Chase says, “Who they are—you know I’m not crazy, right?”

“No, but this is the most entertained I’ve been all night.”

Chase and I share one of those smiles that make other people hate you because you’re hogging happiness.

Teaser Tuesday

Hi guys! It’s been awhile since I’ve teased, thanks to the fact that I’ve entered Revision Land. My first draft is so close to being finished, but I didn’t want to write the actual end until I’d sorted out the mess that was the beginning. Now that’s done, and I’m back to finishing the first draft, so I have new material to tease.

Callie and Chase are spending the weekend alone in a hotel room together so they can attend a dance convention that Chase is teaching at. It’s his first real teaching job since he became paralyzed. Callie knows that if all goes well, Chase won’t need her anymore. This scene is the night before that class.

I definitely won’t have time to read all the teasers tonight, but I promise that I will read and comment on each one eventually.

---

Chase moves me, and then he kisses me. It’s so hard and deep and full that I’m sure the world’s moving around us, but his kiss has enough power to keep me as still as he has to be.

Wow.

I don’t care anymore. I don’t care that tomorrow will change us, that I don’t click with his friends, that I don’t know what either of us will be doing after graduation, that I’m still a stupid, spoiled, slutty girl to everyone but Chase, that I lost my virginity to the world’s biggest douchebag, that I lost my best friend because I lost my virginity, that Moira doesn’t care about me, that my parents probably resent me for how selfish I was this year, that Chase is paralyzed, that I’m why he’s paralyzed, or that even after all these dance lessons and conversations and moments that seemed to matter, I’m still a mess of a person.

I care about Chase. And he’s kissing me and he's great, and together we’re great, and with him I’m great, and if I think about tomorrow now and how ungreat it will be my heart will actually, physically break.

But Chase keeps kissing me, so I push tomorrow out of my mind, out of us, out of our moment.

“You’re, uh,” I say when he comes up for air, and then feel stupid. Words aren’t enough for this moment. I need confetti, or firecrackers, or an earthquake because gosh that’s what this feels like, like everything’s shifting and shaking under me and I have no control. I just have to change as the earth does. “You’re like an earthquake.”

“Destructive?” he breathes the word into my mouth and I cream my pants.

“No,” I say. “Changing.”

Chase’s eyes widen at this, and after one, sweet kiss, he leaves my body.

Teaser Tuesday

Teaser time! In this one, Callie's having a conversation with Chase's mom, Linda, who doesn't like her because she inadvertently put her son in a wheelchair Plus, Linda knows Callie's aunt, Moira, and assumes that Callie as just as removed from reality as Moira is. Olivia and Lexi are Chase's sisters.

Again, it will take me awhile to read the teasers, but I definitely will.

---

Moira has a guy over.

He must’ve come last night, because I hear her say, “You didn’t have to get my breakfast,” on the other side of the wall. Then there’s some talk about how, yes, he did have to get her breakfast because she’s so amazing and beautiful and how she can’t possibly be forty (which is true because she’s forty-six.) Gag me.

But it’s kind of nice.

Moira says that he’s just the sweetest guy in the world and, “I can’t believe you walked in the snow for me.”

I get out off bed and run to the window so quickly that I nearly trip over my feet.

I see white.

I need to see Chase.

I run down the stairs to his apartment—in my infamous duck pajamas—and bounce as I wait for someone to answer the door since I’m now on a wow-there’s-white-crap-on-the-ground adrenaline rush.

Olivia, Lexi, or Chase could've answered the door, but of course Linda is the one who does. She says hi and how are you, I say I’m good and how are you and she says she’s fine.

Then, we stand there. I’m still bouncing a little. “I’m here to see Chase,” I say.

She nods which means nothing to me. “He’s asleep.”

“This is really important.”

She waits for an explanation, or for me to confess that I’m out to destroy her son’s life, I’m not really sure which. “It’s snowing,” is my explanation.

She waits some more.

What do I tell her? Chase and I need to dance in the snow because once we danced in the cold together and it made us both feel alive and he didn’t wear a shirt and you raised a really hot son, congratulations? “I need to see him,” is my makeshift answer. “Because this will make him happy. I promise.”

That does it. She tells me to come in and points me to Chase’s room.

Teaser Tuesday

I wasn’t going to tease today, but I really have no idea how people will respond to this scene, and want to find out. I apologize because I won’t get to read the teasers until tonight, but I promise that I will read and comment on all of them eventually.

Guys, this a weird scene that I’m not sure will even make the final draft because, well, it’s strange. But I had so much fun writing it :P Just so you know, this scene is pretty blunt about sexual issues, so if that makes you uncomfortable stop reading now. The context is that Chase is paralyzed; thus, he can’t get boners. Terri (Chase’s best friend/Callie’s frienemy) told Callie this. Callie and Chase were fooling around, and Callie was very aware that Chase never got a boner. This teaser is her doing her best to address her concerns with Chase.

I feel like this is right on the thin line between stupid and funny, so I want to know what side it's leaning towards. In other words, be honest, and tell me if you think it's stupid. Thanks!

---

And I wonder if he’s turned on by me, if the boner story was a cover-up for the fact that Chase likes me a lot more than his dick does. I want to ask him, but what do I say? Hey Chase, I was just wondering why you don’t have a boner?

There’s probably a better way to go about it, like a Sex Ed. answer—the truth wrapped in a weird analogy so students know what’s up and so parents don’t sue the school for educating their kids about something that will actually affect them.

“Bananas,” I say.

Chase is already red. Most kids picked up on the whole hey-bananas-look-like-dicks thing before Sex Ed., but it became bad when we all had to try and put a condom on one in class, and the guys who couldn’t realized they’d never get laid by anyone at our school.

“Think of a banana,” I continue. “That’s just like chilling there, limp and mushy.”

Chase looks down.

“And then he sees this apple, who is really juicy. You know, she’s a good apple. When the banana sees her, he perks right up and hardens.”

To illustrate this, I pretty much mime what happens when someone gets a boner. Chase looks at me like Mike did when he couldn’t get the condom on his banana. This might not have been the best idea.

“Anyway, that banana continues on his way, and a different mushy banana meets the same apple. This banana agrees that she’s a good apple, but he doesn’t perk up and harden like the first banana did.”

I’m too far gone to stop now.

“The apple wonders why the banana didn’t ripen like the other one did—”

“Calliepleasestop.”

“Like, was it because the banana didn’t like her enough to ripen for her, or because the banana had already rotted?”

We’re quiet for a really, really long time.

A really long time.

“Terri told you?” Chase asks.

“That you can’t get boners? Yeah.”

Teaser Tuesday

On the Playlist: All I Need - Matt Kearny

It's time for another teaser from Building Forts! In this one, Chase is giving Callie her first dance lesson. It's also the first time he's ever taught in a wheelchair. Hope you like it!

---

The studio is so much smaller than I expected. Way too small to grow in.

But it takes Chase forever to get from one side to the other.

I should ask him if he’s ok, if he wants to go home, if he’s scared. I won’t, though. Don’t really want to know the answers.

“Should we get started?” I ask.

“Not much else to do,” Chase says. He sounds so…not happy. Unhappy. Whatever. It’s just not good. “You need to warm up.”’

Then he waits, like I know what I’m supposed to do. I zip up my hoodie.

I think he might laugh, but instead, like a true teacher, he says, “Are you taking this seriously? Because I really don’t want to put myself through this if it’s all a joke to you.”

He shouldn’t have to ask that. And being with me, even in the worst of circumstances, shouldn’t be something he has to go through. “Of course I’m serious about it. But we can have fun too, right?

He looks at the floor and shakes his head. Don’t know why he’s communicating with the floor and not with me. “Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s just harder than I thought it would be to be back here.”

Look at me. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Here, let me guide you through some stretches."

The warm-up starts easily enough. Head up, head left, head down, head right. Roll shoulders forward, roll them back.

Touch your toes.

I almost touch my ankles.

“What are you doing?” Chase asks when I finish. “You didn’t touch your toes.”

“I can’t.”

“You barely tried. Fight for it.”

“With what, a gun?”

He smiles this time, thankfully. “No. Look, once you realize that you’re the only one putting limits on your body, you’ll realize you’re the only one putting limits on yourself. Make sense?”

Yeah, in a perfect world. But, I’m pretty sure biology put some limits on my body, and people put a lot of limits on me. “Yeah.”

I touch my ankles.

We do some more stretches, and by the end of the warm-up my body hates me almost as much as I hate it. “Are dancers masochists?”

Chase grins. It’s such a nice sight. “Kind of. It hurts, I know, but the stretching makes the dancing easier.”

“Even if I’m in so much pain I feel like I can’t move?”

Wrong words. Worst words in the world. "I'm so sor--"

"You'll never know what that feels like." Chase is talking to the floor again.

Telling Your Story Without Words

On the Playlist: United State of Pop 2009 (Blame it on the Pop) - DJ Earworm

Since I’ve had no reason to wake up before noon for about a month (out of school for the summer and looking for a job. I finally got a job the other day :)), I haven’t. This also means that it became rare for me to go to bed before three in the morning. Last night, however, I tried to go to bed at eleven because I had to be up at seven this morning to go to first-aid training. I changed my sleep schedule every day in university, so I thought I could do it again, but it’s hard to break a habit once you’ve created one. So, I needed something to help me to fall asleep.

I put on the playlist for Building Forts, which may not have been the best idea, as of course it just sent my mind intro overdrive with thoughts about the story. But, that’s pretty much how my mind is all the time anyway. Confession time, Building Forts is actually a SUPER reworked version of a fanfic I started to write (it was an AU fic, and the characters in BF are original. I just kind of reused the plot. I say kind of because a lot has changed.) So, I already had a playlist, and I never deleted the songs that fit the fic well but didn’t really fit BF.

Fix You by Coldplay was one of the songs that I always associated with the fic, and not so much BF. I mean, I knew there could be a connection, but it just wasn’t a song I heard in BF (does that make sense?) Before it came on, I’d been choreographing dances for Callie and Chase in my head, while conveniently ignoring the fact that Chase is in a wheelchair for most of the story (because that obviously helped me sleep.) Then, I choreographed to Fix You, and it was perfect. Not from a dance standpoint, because I’m certainly not a choreographer or even a trained dancer, but for the story. Callie danced like she would: absolutely no technique, and with an equal amount of heart and hesitance. Chase danced like he would: in a wheelchair, and with an equal amount of passion and frustration. And, the dance told their story. Before Fix You, all the dances I choreographed in my head told one story, either Callie’s or Chase’s. Fix You told both; it told their story.

And it was really, really cool to see their story told without words. It helped me understand it.

Of course, we’re writers, and words are how we want to tell our stories. But, I’m wondering if you ever try to tell your stories without words? Do you draw characters or scenes? Do you make book trailers? Do you compose music for your story? Let me know in the comments!

Teaser Tuesday

Hi guys! I’m super busy today with a job interview and Glee finale celebrations (!!!), so I probably won’t get to all the teasers today. I promise that I will get to all of them eventually, though!

So, today’s teaser. Callie and Chase are a couple now. Darren flipped out at her because he thinks she’s dating him because she feels guilty about the accident. Terri flipped out at because she thinks Callie’s dating him so she can make dating the dude in a wheelchair her good-deed-of-the day. So, after those two fights Callie left school, and went to the hospital to see Chase. This is their visit.

---

“Darren’s a jerk.”

Chase looks at me like I just told him the sky is blue. “That’s not exactly breaking news.”

He looks so tired, as he should. We were up all night. Still, adrenaline caused by pissed-off-ness and caffeine run through me, make me wired, make me awake, make me alive.

“It is to me,” I say. My words are quick, because if I don’t tell this to someone, I might forget, and this is too important. “I always thought that it was me. That he wouldn’t love me or date me or even be my friend after we had sex because there was something wrong with me.”

“Callie—"

“So, I changed myself. It was easy, really. Shorter skirts, tighter tops. Always laugh too loudly. Drink a lot, have a lot of sex. Don’t ever tell anyone that you’re sad, ever, or even that you’re happy. Only feel what you’re supposed to feel. Anything else isn’t real.”

“What’s—”

“But what I didn’t get was that my feelings were real, and it was that stupid world that was fake. And, you know what? Darren still didn’t like me. It’s not me. It was never me. He’s just such a douchebag.”

I feel like I dry-swallowed a pill, and it’s stuck in my throat. It hurts, but it’ll make me better. It hurts, because I lost my virginity to a douchebag. It’ll make me better, because now I know he’s a douchebag.

I wish he was here so I could call him a douchebag over and over again.

“I don’t know what you’re saying.”

That’s fair. Chase doesn’t know that entire school thinks I’m an awful, slutty wackjob, and he doesn’t have to. “I’m saying,” I explain, “That I’m not me, because I changed for him. Now, I want to go back. I need to figure out who I am now. Find out what’s real.”

Cheesy, but he should get the point. “That’s,” he pauses, “Great? Terrifying? What?”

“Both, and a little more. And, I need you.”

This is the hard part. Chase’s eyebrows furrow, which makes sense. He can’t move, so he can’t do many favours. All I need for this one, though, is his heart.

“Judy told me that you tell your dancers to discover, accept, and express their feelings.” I hope he notices that I used tell instead of told. Chase turns red. “Yeah, it’s right out of a self-help book, but it’s good. That’s what I need to do.”

“What do you need me for?” he asks.

“Well, they do that through dance, with your help. So, I thought maybe you could help me.”

“You want me to teach you?”

“Yeah.”

Teaser Tuesday

Today, my goal is to reply to every comment that's been left on this blog. I feel so bad that I've fallen behind and haven't replied to you guys! First, though, it's time for another teaser from my WIP, "Building Forts." In this tease, Callie's spending the night with Chase in the hospital (she snuck in). Chase is in the hospital because he's paralyzed. Hope you like it!

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It’s almost three in the morning, so we’ve exhausted all conversation topics from so, how do you use the bathroom when you’re paralyzed? to I like Chinese food, how 'bout you? to now, “There was a fire drill at school the other day.”

“We’ve had more of those since you started going here,” Chase says, then laughs at my dropped jaw.

I hit him, and wonder if he can feel it. “You’re a jerk.” The ultimate flirtation: hit a guy, and call him a jerk in a whiny voice while giggling. Chase smiles, so, of course, it worked.

“Speaking of school,” he says. “Isn’t this past your bedtime for a school night?”

I shrug. “I’ll skip tomorrow.”

“I’d love to go to school right now.”

“I’ll drink lots of coffee.”

The lull that follows isn’t the first of the night, nor is it the first time I use the silence to play the what-part-of-Chase-I-want-to-touch-the-most game. Anything below the belt is pointless because he won’t feel it, which is a weird twist of fate. The upper body is pretty foreign to me; Darren isn’t exactly one for foreplay, more of a get in then get out kind of guy. Chase has the abs for some foreplay, though.

There’s part of me that knows kissing him is ridiculous. There’s a bigger part of me that wants to kiss him.

So, I do.

It’s not a moment of bliss or ecstasy or anything that I felt with Darren. It’s awkward, a little wet, and we both keep our eyes open. I’m very aware—too aware—that we’re kissing. The world doesn’t disappear; we’re in a hospital, and no matter how much I want to, I don’t forget that.

I’ve never known a kiss to feel this real before. It’s nice.

I end the kiss, and wait for Chase to speak.

Apparently, he’s waiting for me to speak too, because his lips that were so active moments ago now are still as can be. “That was nice,” I try, even though it was better than nice.

“One word for it,” Chase says, and I want to hear the other words. “It wasn’t how I imagined it would be.”

That may be a bad thing, but he imagined it, and that makes me happier than it should. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it was my first kiss,” he says, and that surprises me. Guess everyone’s not as slutty as I am. “And I always thought I’d…walk over to the girl, take her face in my hands, and then kiss her. It was better than that, though. Kind of forgot about everything when you kissed me; we weren’t in a hospital anymore, it was just us.” He hesitates. “Also thought I’d be better at it.”

“You were good.”

“Thanks. You were amazing.”

“Practice makes perfect.” Right. Kiss a guy then imply that you’ve kissed many guys, many times, before. Way to make him feel good.

Building Forts Trailer!

So, I'm a dork. I love editing videos, which made this task really, really fun for me.

To me, editing videos is like writing; it's a way to tell a story, just through pictures instead of words. So, after seeing this awesome book trailer yesterday, I was inspired to make one of my own.

I'm actually happier with the finished product than I thought  I would be. Chelsie Hightower (So You Think You Can Dance, Season 4) represents Callie, and BJ Rourke (So You Think You Can Dance Australia, Season 2) represents Chase. They are who I always imagined I'd cast Callie and Chase as.

Talia Fowler (SYTYCDAU S2) represents Terri, and Gev Manoukian (SYTYCD S4) represents Darren. They're not exactly who I picture as Terri and Darren, but they both fit the roles well.

The song in the trailer is Needle and Haystack Life by Switchfoot, which is one of my favourite songs of all time. It actually wasn't on the playlist for this story, but when going through my music to pick a song for this I decided to try it out, and was so surprised (and thrilled) by how well it fit.

Also, you may have noticed that I changed the working title of my WIP from "Fall" to "Building Forts", which is good, because I really hated that first working title.

And now that I've rambled enough, here's the trailer!

Teaser Tuesday

I've been a bad blogger this week, thanks to job hunting and illness stealing my time. I should get back on track this week, starting with a quick teaser today!

So, in the last teaser Darren was visiting Callie in the hospital after the accident. Since then, she's visited Chase, and she's now looking for her aunt so she can finally go home. But, before she finds her aunt, she runs into Terri (kind of her friend/Chase's best friend), and the teaser is their conversation. The math/cooking reference refers to their first conversation. Hope you like it!

Before I find Moira, I see Terri. She’s a mess, looks like she was in the accident too. She sees me, so I wave, and she looks at me like how could you wave right now you heartless skank? Or something to that effect.

The look stays, but she hugs me. I’m hugged all the time, but not like this. This hug is shockingly sober, honest, and a little desperate. I feel it, but don’t return it. Too much vulnerability for one night.

“I made pot brownies.”

I’d kind of expected an how are you? considering the circumstances, but nothing has been how it’s supposed to be tonight. “Excuse me?” I ask as I break the hug.

“You know that guy who’s always baked in Home Ec.?” she asks me, and I nod. Doesn’t do much for his baking skills, though. “Well, I bought some weed off him forever ago—really bad day—and then Darren, of all people, calls me about the crash and I just want to bake and I remember the weed—”

“Breathe.”

“—So I go online and get this recipe, but I was out of eggs and so not in the mood to drive to the store, so I thought ok, I’ll just use more pot instead.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“I know!” She looks away from me and tells the walls, “I got it wrong, Callie.”

“Got what wrong?”

“The recipe. I didn't have eggs. When you get math wrong, you have a second chance—”

“But if you screw up a recipe, you don’t get a second chance.”

“Exactly. And I just broke down because Chase got the recipe right, and life still didn’t work out the way it was supposed to for him.”

All because of me.

Teaser Tuesday

On the Playlist: Love, Save the Empty - Erin McCarley

Before I tease, I want to sincerely thank everyone who commented on my first teaser. As excited I was to tease, I was equally nervous, but you were all so nice and helpful! I’ll go through and reply to each comment individually later today, but I just wanted to offer everyone a huge thank you :)

So, today’s tease! It’s another from my current WIP “Fall.” There’s definitely some context needed for this one. Callie (my MC), Chase (dancer dude from the last tease), and Darren (Callie’s friend-with-benefits) were all in a car crash together. Callie’s fine, Darren sprained his arm, and all they know at this point about Chase is that he’s alive. In this scene, Darren sees Callie for the first time after the accident. Also, Callie built a fort in the hospital because her and her brother, Trevor, used to build forts and hide from the world in them.

This a fairly rough draft, and pretty (possibly too) dialogue heavy:

Darren comes into my fort, nearly destroying it in the process. He fixes it with his good arm—it’s so weird that he has a good arm now—and says, “That’s the worst thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve done a lot of crap.”

Has he ever. I’d tell him it’s not his fault, but it’s better than it being my fault. “How is he?”

“All I know is he’s stable,” Darren says, like it’s a relief. It’s not. I always knew he was alive. I just need to see him move. Then, I’ll know he’s ok. “The doctors can only release details to family members.”

“That’s dumb.”

“I know.”

“How’s your arm?” I ask.

He hasn’t looked at me yet. “I don’t care about my arm.”

“Yeah, neither do I.”

“So, you’re fine, right?” Darren asks. “I mean, you look fine, but you’re not messed up inside or anything?”

There’s a loaded question. “I’m a little beat up, but I’m fine.”

“That’s good.”

“No, it’s not.”

He doesn’t question it. “I have to go soon. My dad’s here, just filling out some paperwork.”

“Your dad is here?” I ask. Darren’s dad, though technically still with his mom, is never home. It’s not because he’s some deadbeat; it’s because his wife is a mess who likes needles. Darren doesn’t blame him, but maybe he should.

“Well, my mom’s probably in a hospital somewhere too, so he’s really all I have.”

Darren and I have more in common than I want to admit. He has no one, and I have no one. Loneliness is a weird thing to share with someone.

We used to have each other.

“I’m sad, Darren.”

“I know, this sucks—”

“No. I’ve been sad.”

We’ve never been quiet for so long.

“Me too.”

“Last time I was happy was freshman year,” I tell him. “You know, when I still had you. Once I lost you, I had no one.”

Honesty with Darren, honesty with anyone, scares me, especially since he won’t look at me. But, things are different in a fort. When I was in a fort with Trevor, it was like we were the only people in the world, so we had to trust each other. It’s the same now. I have to trust Darren.

“I don’t get that, Callie. I’ve always been here.”

“For my body, maybe, but not for me.”

He still won’t look at me, and I don’t think he’ll say anything either, so I continue. “After we had sex, it was so weird, it was like my body didn’t belong to me. You took it, and left me with the rest of me.”

“What’s the rest of you?”

“Just…me.” I don’t want to say what I need to say, but I’m alone with Darren in the world, so I better trust him. “You know, my heart.”

Silence.

“I have to go,” Darren says, and moves to leave the fort.

He’s almost gone, but before he leaves he says, “I couldn’t have taken your heart. Would’ve been in the wrong hands.”

“How do you know?”

“I know my hands.”

Darren leaves. I destroy the fort. Honesty is overrated.

Tonight sucks.

Teaser Tuesday

It’s my first time participating in Teaser Tuesday, and I’m quite excited! This teaser is the beginning of my current WIP, the working title of which is "Fall." I hope you like it!

Anyone who lives as much as he does would die.

But he still jumps and slides, contorts like he’s meant to be twisted, all with a smile on his face. The music stops, but he still goes.

My hands hurt. This suitcase is so heavy, all because Mom refuses to let me use anything of Moira’s, like using plastic cutlery will turn me into trailer trash. It’s ridiculous. I want to put the suitcase down, but if I move, he might stop, and I don’t want that. I want to see how far he’ll go, if he’ll go too far, if he’ll fall like I did.

My stomach hollows as he climbs on top of a dumpster. He’ll go too far. He’ll fall.

He flips instead, lands with only a small stumble. “What did you think?” he asks the girl who’s with him, the one who controlled the music. She’s short, pretty. Too pretty.

“That I need to put 9-1-1 on speed dial.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“Bodies aren’t meant to do that. I don’t get how yours can…bend like that.” Wow. She wants in his pants.

He grins. “I’ll teach you.” Ew. That might have been really dirty.

“I like keeping my body in one piece, thanks.”

“Boring.”

My phone buzzes in my pocket, brings me out of someone else’s world and into mine. I’d rather stay in his. “Hello?”

My voice catches the attention of the dancer, but as soon as I meet his gaze, he looks away, slings his arm over his slutty friend’s shoulder, and they go inside without explanation, like it’s totally normal to dance in a parking lot.