What's New in 2012

Happy New Year! I'm so excited to spend 2012 with you lovely people, and I can't wait to see what it has in store for the YA blogosphere.

I'm not one for new year's resolutions because 1. I break them 2. If you want to change your life, change it now! 3. The holidays are stressful enough, and 4. I break them, but I do love the promise of change the new year brings. In honour of that, I've made some (overdue) changes to the blog, which I'll briefly talk about. I'll also tell you what I plan to write and read in 2012, and then I'd love to hear your 2012 plans in the comments!

What's New in 2012

The Blog

The URL. This is the biggest change, and the one I'm most nervous about, because it inevitably leads to broken dreams links. The old url was briallison.blogspot.com, and the current one is bricarter.blogspot.com. If you link to my blog, you're awesome, and I'd appreciate it if you update the link. My blog should still appear in your dashboard if you follow me, and if you're noticing that's not the case, please let me know. Thank you!

The Layout. This was the fastest I've ever chosen a layout, which means it was a case of instant!love, which also means it could lead to a messy break-up. I'm not putting a ring on it yet, you know? But for now, I love it. What do you think, yay or nay?

Writing

Remember when I posted about the crazy story in my heart, and was all, "lolz I'll need to edit it if I want it to be a real story, get rid of the pregnancies and musical numbers, you know how it is."

Remember when I then proceeded to edit it and begin serious work on it? No? But come on, of course I did. I have a manageable story now that I still love, and the story's been so exciting to write so far. I'm reluctant to share the details, but I will say that it's the first time I've seriously tried to write from a male's point-of-a-view, which is definitely a challenge, but also refreshing to write. The plot's still a bit of a whirlwind, and I'm still getting acquainted with the characters, but hopefully I'll be able share some teasers from Arianna and Derek's story this year :)

The other big plan for 2012 is to revise Building Forts, and it's my first revision with awesome beta comments to take into consideration. I'm really excited to see what it'll become when all is said and done (before that, it'll look like me crying as I eat all the chocolate in my apartment, staring at a Word document), and I can't wait to check in with Callie and Chase again :)

Reading

Finally, these are all the 2012 releases I can't wait to read! 

Wanderlove - Kirsten Hubbard

This is Not a Test - Courtney Summers

Insurgent - Veronica Roth

Pandemonium - Lauren Oliver

Bittersweet - Sarah Ockler

The Fault in Our Stars - John Green

Tempest - Julie Cross

Beautiful Music for Ugly Children  - Kirstin-Cronn Mills

And that's not to mention all the 2011 releases I still need to read.

 What are you reading and writing in 2012?

Best of 2011: Fifteen Writing Songs - Part One

I’m obsessed with end-of-the-year countdowns, so from now until the new year, I’ll be talking about what I believe the best of 2011 was in terms of entertainment, which may take the form of music, television, celebrities, and of course, books.

I knew I wanted to post about music, but there was so much incredible music released this year that it was impossible to create a list of my favourite CDs or songs. So, instead of talking about the best music of 2011, I’m talking about the best writing music. This list features fifteen songs that were released in 2011 that I loved to write to. They’re not ranked in order of how much I like the song themselves, but in order of how much I wrote to them. That means most of the songs were released earlier in the year, because I haven’t had a chance to write to some new releases. So, when I finish this list, I’ll post a smaller list of songs I know I’ll write to in 2012. Here's the first part!

15. Housewife’s Prayer – Pistol Annies

I’ve been thinking about setting my house on fire.

One of my characters, Tiffany, is only seventeen, but already feels like a housewife. Though she’d never admit it, it’s her anthem. But, that’s not the only reason I write to this song. The theme of it, the desire to do something crazy and wrong that comes from dissatisfcation, appears in most of what I write, in one form or another.

14. Tough – Kellie Pickler

There ain’t nothing wrong with a woman that got a little backbone.

Like most writers, I torture my characters, and they come out stronger for it. This is their theme song when they realize that, and are ready to fight for themselves.

13. Learning to Love Again – Matt Kearney

That was the real you running through the fields of gold wide open.

 I write to every Matt Kearney song, and it’s always because of moments in the songs rather than the songs as whole. This one’s a little  different, though, because its theme of the real you is why I love to write to it. The theme of someone revealing their true self to someone else and then falling in love either because of or through that is always present in my work.

12. Every Teardrop is a Waterfall – Coldplay

I turn the music up, I’m on a roll this time/And heaven is in sight.

Ever since this song was used for the final montage on So You Think You Can Dance, I’ve heard dance in it. The two projects I’ve focused on this year feature dancer, and I hear everything my characters feel when they dance in this song.

11. She’s Dope – Down With Webster

Girl you’re a star, attention’s nothing new to you.

This is such a jam, and sometimes you need to write to music which pumps you up and makes you go, “Yeah, I’m awesome.” It’s also the way my male love interests see my female MCs ;)

10. Inside Out – Britney Spears

You touch me and it’s breaking me down.

 Oh gosh, I don’t even know how to explain this one. Basically, the song’s story of break-up sex is quite similar to a storyline I wrote this year, except mine was full of angst and didn’t involve dubstep. So, because I associated the song with my story, I started to hear it as full of angst, and I had it on repeat when I wrote one of the saddest scenes in my novel. Seriously. Also, believe it or not, this is not the only Britney Spears song on the list!

9. Turning Tables – Adele

Under your thumb, I can’t breathe.

I write to this song because I dance to it. It’s one of my favourite songs to dance to because it forces me to break down, and I’m able to write in that emotional and honest state it brings me to.

8. Beautiful Girl – William Fitzsimmons

Beautiful girl/May the weight of world resign/You will get better.

I always write to William Fitzsimmons because he’s so honest in both his lyrics and his voice, and it makes me honest. My characters always need to hear that they’ll get better, and this song promises them that.

What do you think of these songs? Any guesses as to what songs will appear in part two? What songs did you write to in 2011?

The Crazy Story in Your Heart

Oh friends, it's been awhile. It's not the first time I've disappeared from the blogosphere, and it won't be the last, but that's the fun of being a student. You have a couple calm weeks, then suddenly you're up until two in the morning and eating cookies for every meal breakfast and blasting the Backstreet Boys because it's the only way you'll get through and forgetting punctuation--

It's a lot. But I'm done in six days (!), and now that I have a self-declared afternoon off, I want to check in with all of you wonderful people.

It won't surprise you to learn that I haven't written more than the odd scene here or there. Those odd scenes, however, aren't from my WIP. They're from what I've temporarily titled the Crazy Story in My Heat (bestseller, right?)

The story is absolutely crazy and there's no way it could exist as a novel without some serious editing (I'd have to take out the pregnancy and show-stopping number and probably age the characters ten years..seriously.) And when I daydream about it or even write it instead of my novel (which is like 5% more sensible, to be honest), I feel guilty about wasting my time. 

Which is silly, because it's fun, and writers are allowed to have fun. When I'm in writing-mode again, my focus will be my novel, but when I need a break? Of course I'm going to turn to the crazy story. 

Sometimes we forget that writing is supposed to be fun. Sometimes we forget that life is supposed to be fun. Don't be afraid to remind yourself.

7 Tips for Making and Reaching Writing Goals

It's the most wonderful time of the year, when writers everywhere close their doors, substitute well-balanced meals for leftover Halloween candy, and use sticky-notes as pillows.

It's NaNoWriMo, a month where writers try to complete 50,000 words of a novel within the month of November. I know many people who have written novels thanks to NaNoWriMo, and many others whom have planned and plotted for it, only to write 5,000 words or so for it (I was one of those people for three years.) Others have no interest in participating it.

And all of that is absolutely fine.

Not to shock anyone, but everyone's different. For some people, the goal of writing 50k in November is reasonable and desirable, and for others, it's not. I fall into the latter category, and have felt guilty about it. What we need to realize, however, is that writing 50k in November is a rather arbitrary goal.* What's helpful, then, is to set goals that work for you, ones which fit with your priorities, schedule, long-term goals, etc. 

So, how would you go about creating those goals?

1. Get Rid of Guilt. Your friend wrote a first draft in a week, and yours has taken you three months. If you didn't know about your friend's success and are happy with your progress, there is no reason to view yourself  as an inadequate. Set goals, do your best to reach them, and forget about what your friends are doing/have done (or, better yet, cheer them on!) Also, as a writing community? We need to stop making people feel guilty about their goals. If you can write a novel in a year and someone else needs two, and is happy with that, please don't make them think they need to alter their goals. We're all different and we should all support each other.

2. Don't Underestimate Yourself. Get rid of guilt, yes, but challenge yourself. You are awesome, so be awesome. Set goals which are reasonable, but ones which will push you. You may surprise yourself.

3. Don't Overestimate Yourself. As a student and a writer, sometimes I feel guilty for making an effort to always get seven or eight hours of sleep, because it seems like no one around me does. But, I know myself, and know that I need sleep to function well, and that I'm not pleasant to be around when I don't get it. Whatever sleep represents for you, don't feel like you have to give it up to reach an extraordinary goal. Chances are that you'll burn out, get discouraged, etc. Make sure that you give yourself time to rest as you work towards your goals.

4. Make Goals According to Your Priorities. At this point in my life, writing is not my priority. God, my family, friends, school, and the student society I'm part of all come before it. Some of that will change, and some of it won't. If something comes before writing for you, don't be afraid to put it before writing, even if it means you'll fall short of your goal. This leads into:

5. Have Grace with Yourself. There will probably be a time where you don't reach your goal, and that's ok. Life happens and not always in the ways we expect it too, and there's always a chance that it'll interfere with our goals. Let it, and don't feel guilty about it. The world will go on, you'll get things back on track, and you'll be fine. Promise.

6. Alter Your Goals if Necessary. Again, your life will change, your priorities will change, and maybe not when you expect them too. Don't feel like you need to stick to goals which are no longer possible or desirable.

7. Reward Yourself. Because you're awesome and deserve it.

Note that with all of these points, I'm assuming that you make goals based on deadlines (if you have them), and am not suggesting that you should ignore them.

Good luck to everyone participating in NaNo, and to everyone else with different goals!

*I don't mean to discredit NaNo in any wya, as I think it's an awesome program and a great goal for some people to try for. 

Road Trip Wednesday: Understanding the Ladybug

Road Trip Wednesday is hosted by YA Highway.

This Week's Topic: What's your numero uno reason for writing?

The Sequel: How the Ladybug Applied Mascara

One of my earliest memories is learning about fables in elementary school. I loved them, and was as excited as I'd ever be about an assignment when our teacher asked us to write a fable. 

I wrote about how the ladybug got its spots and it was a creative, touching, absolutely ridiculous piece that I was so proud of. 

Fast forward, and I have more questions. I learn about friendship and God and love and dance and sex and history and music, but it's never enough. I always know that there's more to know, but I don't know what else I need to know; I don't know what questions to ask.

So, I write about it. I write about a character who has casual sex to understand why people do that (as well as why people don't.) I write about relationships to understand how they can be so messy and so incredible at the same time. I write about dance to understand why it affects me the way it does.

I write to learn about how the ladybug got its spots. 

Why do you write?

Betraying Your Ten-Year-Old Self

I've always wanted to be a teacher.

I was always the teacher when I played school with my cousins, it, all of my jobs and most of my volunteer work has involved some form of teaching or mentoring, and I would daydream about my lesson plans.

I'm in my third year of university, at the point where I have to plan for my Bachelor of Education, or for grad school, or for anything else that will shape my future. And, I'm not sure I want to be a teacher anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I still love teaching, and it's still an option, but now it's one of many options; it's no longer the plan. The hardest part of this is the feeling that I'm betraying my ten-year-old self. I always wanted to be a teacher, but always just ended.

You know what else I wanted when I was ten? For my first published books to be a series entitled The Tank Top Girls, all about three girls in a band who wore tank tops and occasionally dated the Backstreet Boys, and for all of this to happen when I was sixteen, eighteen at the latest.

It won't surprise you, or even me, to learn that didn't happen, and now I'm a twenty-year-old unpublished writer working on her second novel, who never finished the million book project that was The Tank Top Girls.

But, there are tons of aspects of the last ten years of my life that have surprised my, like my friends, faith, jobs, passions, school, and all the awesome, little surprises that come in-between.

The point is that everything changes, you never know where life will take you, yada yada yada. And, through that, your goals may change. And that's ok.

To be clear, this is not me telling you to give up on your dreams, or that it's bad to make goals. What I do want to say is not to get caught up in what could've or should've been, and instead in what could be. It's ok if your writing hasn't gone the way you planned, because maybe you're on your way to something better.

My ten-year-old self thought I'd be a published writer by now, working towards a Bachelor of Education. It would surprise her to know that I'm not, and actually in the I don't know what to do with my life stage that she was so sure she'd skip.

But, I'm still writing, I'm still doing what I love, and I think she'd be ok with that.

Telling Your Story Through Transitions

The eighth season of So You Think You Can Dance kicked off its tour in Orlando on Saturday night, and as I do every year, I searched youtube, forums, and tumblr for videos on Sunday morning.

Having done this for six seasons, I thought I knew what to expect: The season's best dances, introduced by two of the dancers. I was surprised, then, to find the introductions eliminated from the show, and that the dances transitioned from one to the next as though it was all one story. I've embedded an example below, in which The Circus Sets Up transitions into The Vulture Dance (the transition happens between 2:57 and 3:15.)

There are two stories here: The circus, and in Jesse Tyler Ferguson's words, "the classic vulture stalks boy, boy almost succumbs to vulture, boy kills vulture story that we all know so well." Tadd (hot shirtless man) and  Jordan (vulture) are in the circus, so how do they get from there to their own story? The transition shows that Tadd gives his mask to Jess (ringmaster), and that makes him weak/compels him to remove his shirt (thanks Jess!) That's when Jordan notices him, and their story begins.

You'll notice the transition wasn't that Tadd went home, ate some dinner, and then found Jordan on his porch. The story continues though, and even hinges on, the transition, and it still gets the characters from point A to B. Beyond that, it also develops character--it shows that Jordan's curious and didn't just happen upon Tadd, as the dance by itself suggests--and creates suspense.

All of this translates to writing. We need to get our characters from the fight with their mom to the fight with their boyfriend, and sometimes it's difficult to know what to put in-between. It's tempting to have them take a shower and move to the next exciting incident, but there's no reason that shower can't be exciting, too. Why are they taking the shower? Are they thinking about what happened/what could happen as they do so? What does their shampoo say about their character? Answering those questions and ones like them ensures that your story continues throughout the text.

How do you handle transitions? 

Road Trip Wednesday: Moving the Block

Road Trip Wednesday is hosted by YA Highway.

This Week's Topic: How do you beat writer's block?

Look what Calvin did to us, folks. Just look.

I struggle with two types of writer's block:

1. My muse is taking a nap/I'm not inspired.
2. I've pantsed the entire novel and now find myself in my underwear with nowhere else to go/I don't know what should happen next.

If my muse is asleep, I bribe it with artistic activities that will inspire it, such as reading and dancing. Reading's good if my muse is fully rested, but if they're groggy from an hour-long sleep, I need to dance. Dancing makes me raw--though I'm not as big of a fan of her as others, Adele's music is the best for this--and that naked, pumped-on-adrenaline state allows me to write with the honesty I need to.

If I'm in my underwear, I look for pants. I recently realized that writing through blocks does not work for me, because the plot either goes nowhere or somewhere ridiculous (gosh, I love plot-twists far too much), and my frustration causes my writing to fall flat. So, I close my document, hide my computer, and go for a walk, out to coffee, to my couch to watch Big Brother, anything that will distance me from my novel. Even I leave to do something mindless like the dishes or laundry, I don't intend on focusing on my novel. But, if I'm bored, I default to thinking about my novel, from there I brainstorm, from there I come up with plot points, and from there I write. The most important thing is that I take time and space away from my novel.

In both scenarios, I also like to act out my scenes. When I had to play Romeo in a performance for my Shakespeare class (this paragraph gets better and better, doesn't it?), I struggled to project my voice. To practice, I acted out a fight in my novel, and because I knew it would be easier for me to project as characters I cared about, and I'd go from there. That exercise did more than help me with my performance, it inspired me to write. Even if I don't go as far as acting, I'm always talking to myself through my stories.

Like anything else, sometimes these methods work, and sometimes they don't. They're a start, at least, an attempt to move the block Calvin gave us.

How do you beat writer's block?

A Blue So Dark by Holly Schindler

Fifteen-year-old Aura Ambrose has been hiding a secret. Her mother, a talented artist and art teacher, is slowly being consumed by schizophrenia, and Aura has been her sole caretaker ever since Aura's dad left them. Convinced that "creative" equals crazy, Aura shuns her own artistic talent. But as her mother sinks deeper into the darkness of mental illness, the hunger for a creative outlet draws Aura toward the depths of her imagination. Just as desperation threatens to swallow her whole, Aura discovers that art, love, and family are profoundly linked—and together may offer an escape from her fears. (Summary taken from goodreads.)

Based on its premise, Holly Schindler's Playing Hurt is my perfect match. I love reading about romance, sports, physical disabilities (especially in the context of sports), and love triangles, and Playing Hurt has all of the above.

But my library didn't have it. They had her debut novel, A Blue So Dark, which looked like a great book, but a great book for someone else. Poetic prose, mental illness, exploration of art, little romance...it just wasn't my type.

But it does have a gorgeous cover, so even though I wasn't crazy about the premise, I took it out because it was good looking. Ahem.

I approached it thinking: Ok, I'll try to appreciate this book for what it is, but if I can't get into it, it'll be nice eye-candy.

Now that I've finished the book, I realized the book approached me thinking: You have no idea what I'm going to do you. I'm going to go so far inside you that you'll forget what's fictional and what's real. I'm going to bring up memories and emotions you've worked for years to forget because they hurt too much. I'm going to explore your biggest fears...

And show you there's a way out of them. I'm going to show you that you're ok.

I'm going to make you write again.

Sure, I could talk about this book's gorgeous prose, realistic characterization, incredible portrayal of relationships...but who really cares when a book does that to you?

I have no experience with mental illness, so I did not see this coming. But I had a mom, and I have best friends, and I've had crushes, and I'm a writer. And I understood Aura's experiences, even if mine were different.

I'm between projects and haven't written more than 2k in the past two weeks. I had plenty of ideas, but I wasn't inspired. I didn't remember why I wrote, and honestly, it was all starting to seem pointless.

But I read this book, and I remembered, and then I wrote. And I'll just keep writing.

SNI: Shiny or Scary New Idea?

I've known for awhile what my next novel will be. I refer to it as a Shiny New Idea, but really, it's an old idea that's recently been polished. My current project either doesn't include or doesn't focus on any of the subjects my SNI would, such as friendship, a two-girls-one-guy love triangle where it's (hopefully) not obvious which girl the guy should choose, Nova Scotia, musicians, and summer.

Of course, I don't know how the novel will turn out until I write it, but I know I can write about all the topics I listed. Aspects of the project scare me--like, uh, its lack of plot--but the subject matter doesn't. 

But recently, I had a dream which inspired me (I know, please stay with me.) I've never been inspired by a dream before, but when I woke up from that one--I honestly can't remember the dream at all--I thought, "What if I write a character who ___ ?" (I know, but this idea isn't fully fledged yet--and may never be--so the rest of this post will be ambiguous. This post isn't about the idea itself.) 

I toyed around with that idea for awhile, and tried to put it in the context of a story I abandoned last summer. It still wasn't working, so I forgot about it. Then, I listened to a song I hadn't heard in awhile, and I had to pause it after the first line because I was so struck by it, and the story it sparked in my head. Once I put the novel I abandoned, the idea from the dream, and the inspiration from the song together, I had something--not enough that I could write a practice query, or even eloquently describe it now, but enough for me to explore it. 

I'm a pantser, so what scares me the most about this idea isn't that I don't fully understand it yet, but that, unlike the SNI I discussed earlier, I don't know if I can write it. It's dark, and though my novels aren't purely fluff, they're not dark. That said, my novels do have some fluff, and anything that seems romantic in this new SNI would always have a borderline disturbing quality to it. Also, worldbuilding would be crucial in this novel (though it's still contemporary), and I am slightly terrible at worldbuilding (understatement of the year.) 

I like this idea, but I don't know if I'm the person to write it. I'm scared of it. I'd love to tell you that I'll be brave and try it after I finish my current project, but I don't know, I may not. I may stick to the safe idea--which I still like--and let this one sit for awhile. I don't know what I'll do.

And that's why I'd love to hear from anyone who has been in this situation. Have you ever had a Scary New Idea? What was it? Did you try it? Did it work? Let me know in the comments!

Why We Shouldn't Ignore Our Weaknesses

I love dance, but I am not a good dancer.

I do all the moves pictured on the left every night in my basement. Seriously.

In elementary school, I enrolled in every week-long summer dance camp I could, the ones taught by high  school students in gymnasiums that claimed to be combination of hip-hop, jazz, modern, and contemporary, all at the same time. The first age appropriate song I performed to was "Waiting for Tonight" by Jennifer Lopez, and a couple years later, I made my debut as a co-choreographer with a piece to "Space Cowboys" by N*SYNC. I did not gain any technique from these experiences, but they were fun, and a huge part of why I decided to look for a studio.

The first studio I joined is one of the most respected ones in my city, and I joined a hip-hop class like any suburban girl would. And I loved it. The class was small, my teacher was awesome, it was fun, and I was half decent at it. Problem was, the class was so small that the studio had to cancel it, though they encouraged me to sign up for the intermediate class when the next term started. So, I signed up.

I was so intimidated during the first intermediate class that it became my last. My classmates were real dancers, who were older, taller, skinner; who dressed like dancers and wore their hair in ponytails; who picked up choreography like that; who could perform moves I only saw in So You Think You Can Dance.

I wasn't an intermediate dancer, so I quit. My friend, who actually is a wonderful dancer, was part of a different studio, and from her recitals and competitions, I knew their choreography was easier than what I'd tried to do. I joined their hip-hop/jazz class, and took it for two years. The class was really a jazz class--with the occasional booty shake--yet I learned little technique beyond pointing my toes. But, that was what I signed up for, and though it always took me awhile to pick up choreography, hitting the moves was rarely the problem.

When I watched the DVD of my performance back, I realized why I didn't struggle with the steps in class. Unless we were doing a move that required the use of our arm, we were told to put our hands behind our back, because we'd look messy if we didn't. The problem with that is there were moves where we needed to use our arms, and mine looked more like spaghetti than anything else. They were weak, flimsy, awkward, and everything else a dancer shouldn't be. In class, we never worked on strengthening our arms, because they were hidden most of the time, anyway.

You can't put your hands behind your back when you write.

My weakness as dancer was my arms, and one of my weaknesses as a writer (definitely not my only, and the easiest one to fit into this analogy) is setting. When my hands were behind my back, that didn't matter. When setting isn't important to a scene, it doesn't matter.

But, when I had to use my hands? My weakness showed, and it was so obvious that it ruined my entire performance. When I get to a point where I have to mention setting? Well, in revisions for my current project, I realized my paraplegic character left the hospital much sooner than he should have, which of course affected the time-line of the entire novel.

It's easy to ignore our weaknesses, to put our hands behind our back and hope no one notices. But, if there's one element of writing we should focus on (especially in revisions), it should be the one we least want to confront, the one we're worst at.

It's important we stay in the intermediate class, even when we're intimidated by it, because we won't grow as writers if we stay in a class where we're comfortable, and our flaws are hidden behind our backs.

What are your weaknesses as a writer? Are you working on them? How so? 

What Fuels You?

I am burned out.

The past month or so has easily been one of the craziest ones of my life, for both good and bad reasons. However, I finished exams on Wednesday and moved out of my dorm room yesterday, and now I feel a bit like someone stopped me mid-marathon and said, "It's ok, you can rest now." But, since I'm halfway through the marathon, I want to finish.

I'm currently unemployed open to opportunities, which means the best way for me to maintain my momentum is to write. Yet, I haven't opened my novel's document since I've been home.

The next scenes I have to write are big, messy ones, which have to drain me in order to be effective. The problem is, right now, there's nothing left to drain.

Of course, sleep will help with that, and I've convinced myself Boy Meets World marathons will as well. Then, I'll at least have the motivation to unpack, search for a job, and all those other things I need to do. But, to write? Not only to write, but to write scenes that will drain me all over again? I'll need more fuel than that to return to my novel, and to start my summer writing schedule where I'll spend more time with my novel in a day than I do in a week throughout the school year.

Above all else, I write my novel because I care about my characters, and need to tell their story. But, when I need motivation beyond that? I, shocker, turn to dance. Yesterday, though, I did more than just dance. I made a dance playlist for my novel.

And it was so much fun. I've come across dances before which remind me of my novel, as well as ones which have inspired dance scenes in my novels, but I also hunted for videos that would capture the moments I needed captured. Most of those scenes are dance scenes, and it was so cool when I found videos that looked like what I imagined. The first video, for example, just is the first scene of the novel.

I spent an embarrassing amount of time putting the dances in order, thinking about which ones best represent each moment, and how the playlist itself flows as a story arc. I cut dances which reminded me of my novel, but were fillers as opposed to scenes, just like I do when I revise. I made sure the dancers I used represented my characters in the way they danced, and in some cases, taught. Sometimes I had to ignore the fact that the dancers in the videos are, well, better dancers than my characters, but I did try to match skill level where possible.

Every time I watch the playlist, I get excited about my novel, and want to write it. Not all the dances look exactly as I imagined, of course, but the emotion behind them is always the emotion in the scenes they represent. That's all the fuel I need.

Beyond your love for your story and your characters, what fuels you write it? Is it a music playlist, pictures, videos, etc.? Let me know in the comments!

When You Feel Like a Fraud

I have been hiding out in a cave, where I have worked on essays, studied for exams, and written a polyphonic piece of nonfiction.

All of this was for school, but one of these things is clearly not like the others. The nonfiction piece was for my creative writing class, the same one which I wrote poetry for a couple months ago. I had less experience with nonfiction than I did with poetry--that is, I had none--and I'd never even heard the term polyphonic until the professor taught it to us.

As I worked on the project, I felt like a fraud. Who am I to write about my life? Who am I to put passages from other texts, including the Bible, into my story? Aren't they too good, too important for it?

Those questions led to others. What am I doing in a creative writing class when I'm clearly not experienced enough for it? How can I claim to have a voice as a writer? Who am I to edit my peers' pieces? What makes me think I can pull this metaphor off? Do I really know how to use a semi-colon? 

Who am I to call myself a writer?

That's a question I ask myself all the time as I work on novels. It's easy to feel like you're faking it as a writer and that, one day, someone will realize how little you know and call you a fraud, because you are one.

But really, we're all faking it. All we can do is use what we do know to produce our best work, and to continue learning. We'll never know everything, and that's ok.

Whenever I feel like a fraud as a writer, "Swing the Cellar Door" by Hey Rosetta! makes me feel better.

I'm sorry to reduce you to this useless imagistic bullshit, but maybe that's all I got

and

I'm sorry to confuse with some foolish thing that misses truth, but maybe that's all we are

and

I'm sorry to abuse you with this ruthlessly sadistic music, but maybe that's all I want, I'm just a really pretentious guy

Maybe all we've got--useless, foolish, pretentious, or wrong as it may seem--is exactly what we need to write some awesome stuff. Only one way to find out.

I felt like I faked my way through my nonfiction piece, but I was truthful when I wrote it, worked hard on it, and took risks with it. That was all I had, and when I passed my piece in, I knew it was enough.

See you on Wednesday, when I'll move out of my cave for four months.

When We Need Our Novels

So, hi. It's been awhile, and I honestly am sorry for that. Excuses, excuses, but the past two weeks or so have been insane, and for once, it wasn't (entirely) because of schoolwork. I've had to make multiple decisions this week--some which I expected to make and others which were a total surprise--that will have a great impact on my life for the next twelve months or so, which meant that even when I had free time, all I wrote were pros and cons lists.

My novel is slowly--oh, so slowly--but surely on its way to becoming a coherent manuscript, which is something I have never had before. The plan was always to finish this round of revisions, put it away and draft a new project, then to revise it again. But, as all my plans for my summer and third year of university changed, I wondered if my plan for my novel should change, too.

I wasn't sure if I should even finish this round of revisions, because the novel has a lot of problems, I don't see it as that marketable (I know, so not a valid reason not to finish a project), I'm not sure I'm mature enough to handle the subject matter, I have better ideas and a better sense of how to execute them, etc. I could--and did--give myself a million reasons not to finish this novel.

Then I watched this video, and knew that I had to finish the novel:

Dance, and especially improv, play a major role in my novel. And, because I'm a cliche, Fix You is my novel's song. And, because I'm a dork, I often improv to it as though I'm my characters to get inside their heads.

These dancers are honest, vulnerable, and fearless with their emotions. And that's hard. But, from what I've experienced, I know that I'm happier, and that I have better relationships with people when I'm that open with my emotions. The novel's love interest is also an improv teacher, and what the dancers in that video demonstrate is exactly what he wants for his students, and for his girlfriend. 

It's exactly what I want for myself, not just a dancer, but as a writer, and most importantly, as a person. And I'm learning how to be like that as I write him as a teacher. If by some miracle someone else who reads my novel wants that for themselves, and my novel helps them get there, well, I couldn't ask for anything more. But, even if that never happens, I'm learning so much more than how to write from this novel. I'm learning how to live.

I'm honest with myself when I dance. I'm less honest when I write. I'm even less honest as a person. The honesty of dance helps me to write this novel honestly, which then helps me to live honestly.

All those other ideas I have? They don't include dance, which is fine, but I'm not ready for them yet. They're advanced classes. First, I need to pass the prerequisite.

I need to finish this novel. 

What aspect of your novel keeps you writing it, even when you want to give it up? What does your novel give you that you need?

Improving as a Writer

Recently, I posted about experimenting with genre, which was inspired by the poetry portfolio I completed for my creative writing class.

Today, I got that portfolio back with a...

GRADE.


Yes, that is bold, italicized, and underlined. As a scholarship student who needs to keep an A- average to remain a scholarship student, as well as a recovering perfectionist, that is how I view grades. I will not say what that grade was, but that it was one grade point (counting grade points as C-, C, C+ etc.)  lower than I expected. Yes, one whole grade point. If my grade had been the first comment I saw, well, I would not be calm enough to write a blog post right now (and on a writing blog, no less! I would have felt even more unqualified to write this post than I am, and trust me, I'm far from qualified.)

But my professor, bless her, left a comment on the top of the first page that caught my eye before the grade did. She said that my work is getting stronger and stronger.

And then I saw my grade, and was ok with it. Happy, even. To clarify, though I expected to do better on the project than I did, I did not expect to get an A, either. The best lesson I've learned since becoming active in the YA community is how many more lessons I still need to learn. And, though I'm not new to creative writing, I am new to poetry, so of course I wasn't going to master the style in a few weeks.

But I got better. And I think I'm getting better as a YA writer, too. That's not to say that every scene I write is an improvement on the last one I wrote (and that was not the case with my poetry, either), but that, generally speaking, I'm a better writer than I was a few months ago. And I think that's all I can ask for.

What about you? Do you see how much you've improved as writer? Can you recognize and remember that, even if you take a step backwards? Let me know in the comments!

Tweeting Can Help You Revise! Really.

Almost every time I write a tweet, I write more than 140 characters.

When I see my character count is at -25 (not an exaggeration), I tend to take it out on Twitter. Why only 140 characters? Why not 165? Or 200? Or 500? I have too many brilliant things to say about Glee to be censored by your limit!

Shockingly, that is not productive. What I need to do is take my frustration out on my tweets.

My latest tweet started like this:

I know I'm a little late to this party, but Sara Bareilles' Kaleidescope Heart is perfection, and I didn't think anything could live up to Little Voice.

I was over the character limit, so I decided to cut a little because it didn't add to the purpose of my tweet--to let everyone know how brilliant Sara's latest album is---and because it's a lie. I'm really late to that party. I was still over, so I cut I know because, well, I'm the one tweeting, making saying I know redundant. The result was this:

I'm late to this party, but Sara Bareilles' Kaleidescope Heart is perfect, and I didn't think anything could live up to Little Voice.

It says everything I wanted it to say, just in a more direct way.

If you follow me on Twitter, you already know that I don't always put that much thought into my tweets, nor do I do tweet brilliance (this is a great pitch if you were considering following me, eh?) However, you can use the skills you learn in Twitter Land in Revision Land as well. Tweeting teaches you how to get to the point while still conveying all necessary information, which is exactly what we try to do as writers.

You tell me: Are you on Twitter? Do you often revise your tweets? Does it help you revise your novel? 

Inspiration: Taylor Swift

Whenever someone asks me who my favourite artists are, my response is, "William Fitzsimmons, Mumford & Sons, Florence and the Machine, and Taylor Swift."

One of these things is not like other, right?

I was fifteen when Taylor Swift came out. I was fifteen when I had my first crush that went beyond, "Oh, he's cute." I honestly thought that I had a shot with this guy, but then he started dating his ex-girlfriend. I didn't know her, but from what others told me, she was pretty much exactly like me, just better according to him. It doesn't sound like a big deal now, but when I was fifteen, it completely crushed me. When I heard "Teardrops on my Guitar" on the radio, it was the first time as a young adult I'd heard a song and thought, "Oh my gosh, someone gets it." I quickly downloaded the rest of her music, and had the same experience with "Tied Together With a Smile", "Stay Beautiful", and "A Place in the World." Even though I couldn't relate to the other songs, I loved them just as much. In fact, "Cold as You" is still my favourite Taylor Swift song.

I didn't have the same experience with "Love Story" that I had with "Teardrops on My Guitar". I liked the song and thought it was cute, but it didn't strike me like Teardrops did. Still, I loved Taylor, and bought Fearless. I enjoyed it, but again, it didn't hit me like Taylor Swift did. That summer, I went away for a week to a random small town, where I met a boy. That boy was one of the biggest rushes I've ever experienced. We clicked and flirted like crazy (and until this point, I didn't flirt at all), but in a week, it was over. Suddenly, Fearless was the soundtrack to my life, just as Taylor Swift had been. "Love Story" and "Fearless" were my week, and "White Horse" was the rest of my summer. I also felt a connection to "The Best Day", "Change", and, unsurprisingly after reading the last section, "Fifteen."

The difference between Fearless and Taylor Swift was that I got bored with Fearless after my boy-drama ended, whereas I still love Taylor Swift. When Speak Now came out, I wasn't that excited. I thought I'd either outgrown Taylor or that she'd lost some of what made her first CD so magical. I didn't plan on listening to it, let alone buying it. "Mine" didn't change my mind. In fact, I rolled my eyes a little when I heard it: a cutesy love song from Taylor, how original. Her performance of "Innocent" at the VMAs also came off as little self-righteous to me, which didn't help matters (though, spoiler alert, I love the song now.) Taylor's performance of "Back to December" at the CMAs is what made me listen to the CD. Both the song and the performance itself were so honest, and for the first time since "White Horse", Taylor struck a chord with me. I listened to the rest of Speak Now, and now I'm in the process of falling in love with it. "Dear John" and "Sparks Fly" (yes, another cutesy love song, but now I know a cute boy to go with it) were instant favourites, but I'm sure as I continue to listen and continue to live, more of her songs will hit my heart.

Taylor Swift's success is no accident. She gets what it's like to be a young adult, and can capture moments of that with an almost uncomfortable amount of honesty in three minutes. In three albums, she's managed to capture the life of a young adult.

That's why, as a writer, Taylor Swift is an inspiration of mine.

Now, you tell me: what musicians inspire you as a writer?

PS: The guy I liked when I was fifteen? Turns out he was a jerk. The ex he was dating when I liked him? She's now one of my best friends. Amazing how things turn out, huh?

NaNoWriMo

On the Playlist: Hey Ya - Obadiah Parker

What I predict my life will look like this November.

Well, I did it. I signed up for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) this year. It's not my first time. Back in 2008, I said I was going to do it without joining the site, checking out the forums, or, uh, knowing how to write. I may have written 1k, but even that's iffy. Last year, I told myself that I was going to do it, and that I was going to do it right. I made an account, posted on the forums, planned to go to my city's events, all that fun stuff. The moment November began, I was writing, and for the duration of November 1, I kept up a good pace. But come November 2, 3, 4, and so on, I fell behind. Way behind. And I decided that I hated my novel and tried to change it, but I hated what I changed it to, so I changed and back, and you can guess the rest. Needless to say, I did not win last year. I'm not sure I event hit 5k.

To me, my two failures meant that NaNoWriMo just wasn't for me. It wasn't because I was hasty, lazy, or indecisive. So, I wasn't going to do it this year. I had a novel to revise, research papers to write, leadership meetings for the Christian Fellowship to attend, a small group for the Christian Fellowship to run, and friends who may occasionally want to see me. That was (and still is) more than enough for me.

But there were three things I learned about myself as writer as I worked on my first novel:

1. I'm hasty.

2. I'm lazy.

3. I'm indecisive.

Ultimately, my goal with NaNoWriMo is not to win, though that would be awesome and certainly is one of my goals. However, as long as I'm faster at writing first drafts come December 1, I'm happy. That's what I hope to get from NaNo.

Fellow NaNo'ers, why are you doing it? Is it just to have 50 000 more words than you had in October, or do you have another goal in mind?

And if you're a fellow NaNo'er, I'm bri_ness over there. Come say hi and be my buddy!

Road Trip Wednesday #46: (Fictional) Friends Forever

On the Playlist: Empire State of Mind - Glee Cast (!!!)

"Road Trip Wednesday is a "Blog Carnival," where YA Highway's contributors post a weekly writing- or reading-related question and answer it on our own blogs. You can hop from destination to destination and get everybody's unique take on the topic.

This Week’s Topic:
If you went to high school with your characters, would you be friends?" (Taken from the Road Trip Wednesday page)

This is my first time participating in Road Trip Wednesday because I love this topic so much. The fact is, I love all of my characters dearly, but there are only three that I might have been friends with.

Building Forts is an interesting one, because I think I would’ve been part of Chase's group of friends, but I would've been the odd one out. Terri would be why I was in the group at all; we'd be friends. I would've really liked Chase and wished to be his friend, but pre-accident he would've intimidated me, even though Chase is not very intimidating. I was just a bit of a mess around cute guys in high school. And, Chase is a dancer! That would've put me over the edge. If it weren't for Callie, I may have befriended him post-accident. But, Callie and I would never have been friends, and she's my favourite of all my characters. I would've seen her as a slut, and that would've been that. I was so close minded in high school, even if I'd never admit it. Darren and I wouldn't have said two words to each other.

As for my new WIP (the last piece I teased from), Alexis and I would've been friends who hate each other as much as they love each other. I would've admired Nathan from afar, but he, like Chase, would've intimidated me (though Nate actually is a little intimidating). Tilly (MC) and I just wouldn't have been friends at all. Like with Darren, we could've gone through all of high school without talking to each other.

I find this so interesting because if I'd somehow gotten to know Callie and Tilly as people in high school, we would've been friends. Like, if we'd met in university without knowing anything about the other's reputation, we'd get along just fine. However, reputation means so much in high school, and that would've stopped us from being friends.

Speaking Loudly

I’ve wanted to speak loudly, but I haven’t known what to say. I still don’t, to be honest. This is what I do know:

• I love Jesus
• I hate book banning
• There are people who need to read SPEAK that haven’t read it yet

And those three points are what this post comes down to. I went on Twitter this morning to find the #speakloudly campaign. The cliffnotes version of the story is that Dr. Wesley Scroggins wrote an opinion piece saying that SPEAK by Laurie Halse Anderson should be banned from schools because, you know, the rape scenes are soft-core porn.

Say it with me: What?!

I’m a Christian and my faith is my life. Really, my faith is why I have life. I can’t stand it when people use Christianity as a reason to ban books because, well, it’s wrong.

Seriously, have you read the Bible? It’s messy. But, it has to show the sin to show the consequences of it. Honestly, I think that’s what most YA books do. SPEAK does not advocate rape; it shows what devastating consequences it has on the victim, and encourages the victim to speak out about it.

Problems won’t go away if we stop writing about them.

But they might if we start.

What if no one wrote about rape? What if no one talked about rape? It would still happen, and I’m willing to bet it would happen more than it does now.

So, let’s write about it, and all the other messy things in the world. Let’s talk about them. Let’s speak loudly. Maybe then, we can change things.

I sound naïve. I’m not. Change is slow. But, change will stop if we stop. We can’t silence the voices that are speaking loudly. We need to join them.