My novel is slowly--oh, so slowly--but surely on its way to becoming a coherent manuscript, which is something I have never had before. The plan was always to finish this round of revisions, put it away and draft a new project, then to revise it again. But, as all my plans for my summer and third year of university changed, I wondered if my plan for my novel should change, too.
I wasn't sure if I should even finish this round of revisions, because the novel has a lot of problems, I don't see it as that marketable (I know, so not a valid reason not to finish a project), I'm not sure I'm mature enough to handle the subject matter, I have better ideas and a better sense of how to execute them, etc. I could--and did--give myself a million reasons not to finish this novel.
Then I watched this video, and knew that I had to finish the novel:
Dance, and especially improv, play a major role in my novel. And, because I'm a cliche, Fix You is my novel's song. And, because I'm a dork, I often improv to it as though I'm my characters to get inside their heads.
These dancers are honest, vulnerable, and fearless with their emotions. And that's hard. But, from what I've experienced, I know that I'm happier, and that I have better relationships with people when I'm that open with my emotions. The novel's love interest is also an improv teacher, and what the dancers in that video demonstrate is exactly what he wants for his students, and for his girlfriend.
It's exactly what I want for myself, not just a dancer, but as a writer, and most importantly, as a person. And I'm learning how to be like that as I write him as a teacher. If by some miracle someone else who reads my novel wants that for themselves, and my novel helps them get there, well, I couldn't ask for anything more. But, even if that never happens, I'm learning so much more than how to write from this novel. I'm learning how to live.
I'm honest with myself when I dance. I'm less honest when I write. I'm even less honest as a person. The honesty of dance helps me to write this novel honestly, which then helps me to live honestly.
All those other ideas I have? They don't include dance, which is fine, but I'm not ready for them yet. They're advanced classes. First, I need to pass the prerequisite.
I need to finish this novel.
What aspect of your novel keeps you writing it, even when you want to give it up? What does your novel give you that you need?
7 comments:
The world of my characters is what keeps me coming back to my novel, even when I'm tired or frustrated or just want to give up. It's just so vibrant for me, and there's always something new to discover, and I love it.
I love this post, and I can definitely relate! It took me yeeeaaarrsss to write this novel and I reached a point where I wondered if it was even good enough to make it worth it. But then I figured out what the book meant to me--and what I hope it means to my readers--and I knew I had to finish it.
I know the feeling of not feeling mature enough to handle the subject matter. I'm nowhere closer to feeling as though I am mature enough, but I think recognizing that about myself was what it took to get me to write. There are some things that will always be bigger than us, but it's by writing about them that we learn about them. At least I think so.
You are awesome. :)
What a beautiful post!
As to your questions, it's the process of discovery that keeps me writing it. I'm barely 10k words in at the moment, but the story's already taken totally unexpected turns. Were I to stop writing, I'd always be haunted by the unfinished, inaccurate version of the real story that wanted to be told.
My novel allows me to learn about and be comfortable with different aspects of my own personality. It also gives me a chance to create something, from nothing, and feel the satisfaction of knowing that in that world, at least, I'm queen! :p
What aspects of my novel keep my writing it and what does it give me that I need... Well, those are hard questions to answer since I'm constantly changing my WIPs. So I'm gonna edit these questions and say "novels"
So the aspect of my novels that keep me writing even though I want to give up: the characters. I love my characters. I sympathize greatly with anyone, and I feel for my characters the way I would any living, breathing person. I do my best to make them real, three-dimensional, and honest. I love them to death, and even though most of my novels are plot-driven, I feel like my characters play a large role in the plot.
And what my novels give me that I need: freedom. In my characters' worlds, I can make them do anything and everything that I could only dream of doing myself. I live vicariously through them.
I love your post. Very awesome!
Guys, I love your comments on this. Seriously, thank you.
Steph - It's so nice when your novel is an entirely different world, isn't it? So much to discover!
Jess - Thanks! I agree, writing about those things that are so much bigger than us really help us to understand them (more so than my novel, a piece I'm writing for my creative writing class is teaching me SO much.) Pfft, you're awesome...er ;)
Deb - Thanks! Discovery really is an exciting part of writing, and it's so cool that you've discovered so much within 10k! I love what you said about learning about and being comfortable with different aspects of your personality, I can definitely relate to that.
Karla - Ah, characters are huge for me. Have you ever read the short story "Conversations with my Father" by Grace Paley? It's so fascinating because the narrator really sees her characters as real people, and because of that feels uncomfortable plotting their lives and denying them destiny. I understood that, so I understand what you mean when you say your novels are plot-driven, but your characters play a large part in it. Thank you!
I relate to this post a lot right now. I'm in the middle of rewrites that have me torn right down the middle between absolutely loving my story - and just wishing it was finished. But I have to keep plugging along. I love the story, the characters, the style far too much to quit - even if I didn't have deadlines to meet. I owe it to the story and myself, as much as my readers, to keep polishing until it's every bit as good as I know it has the potential to be.
K.M. - Good luck with your story, and good for you for plugging along with it :)
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