A Blue So Dark by Holly Schindler

Fifteen-year-old Aura Ambrose has been hiding a secret. Her mother, a talented artist and art teacher, is slowly being consumed by schizophrenia, and Aura has been her sole caretaker ever since Aura's dad left them. Convinced that "creative" equals crazy, Aura shuns her own artistic talent. But as her mother sinks deeper into the darkness of mental illness, the hunger for a creative outlet draws Aura toward the depths of her imagination. Just as desperation threatens to swallow her whole, Aura discovers that art, love, and family are profoundly linked—and together may offer an escape from her fears. (Summary taken from goodreads.)

Based on its premise, Holly Schindler's Playing Hurt is my perfect match. I love reading about romance, sports, physical disabilities (especially in the context of sports), and love triangles, and Playing Hurt has all of the above.

But my library didn't have it. They had her debut novel, A Blue So Dark, which looked like a great book, but a great book for someone else. Poetic prose, mental illness, exploration of art, little romance...it just wasn't my type.

But it does have a gorgeous cover, so even though I wasn't crazy about the premise, I took it out because it was good looking. Ahem.

I approached it thinking: Ok, I'll try to appreciate this book for what it is, but if I can't get into it, it'll be nice eye-candy.

Now that I've finished the book, I realized the book approached me thinking: You have no idea what I'm going to do you. I'm going to go so far inside you that you'll forget what's fictional and what's real. I'm going to bring up memories and emotions you've worked for years to forget because they hurt too much. I'm going to explore your biggest fears...

And show you there's a way out of them. I'm going to show you that you're ok.

I'm going to make you write again.

Sure, I could talk about this book's gorgeous prose, realistic characterization, incredible portrayal of relationships...but who really cares when a book does that to you?

I have no experience with mental illness, so I did not see this coming. But I had a mom, and I have best friends, and I've had crushes, and I'm a writer. And I understood Aura's experiences, even if mine were different.

I'm between projects and haven't written more than 2k in the past two weeks. I had plenty of ideas, but I wasn't inspired. I didn't remember why I wrote, and honestly, it was all starting to seem pointless.

But I read this book, and I remembered, and then I wrote. And I'll just keep writing.