A Blue So Dark by Holly Schindler

Fifteen-year-old Aura Ambrose has been hiding a secret. Her mother, a talented artist and art teacher, is slowly being consumed by schizophrenia, and Aura has been her sole caretaker ever since Aura's dad left them. Convinced that "creative" equals crazy, Aura shuns her own artistic talent. But as her mother sinks deeper into the darkness of mental illness, the hunger for a creative outlet draws Aura toward the depths of her imagination. Just as desperation threatens to swallow her whole, Aura discovers that art, love, and family are profoundly linked—and together may offer an escape from her fears. (Summary taken from goodreads.)

Based on its premise, Holly Schindler's Playing Hurt is my perfect match. I love reading about romance, sports, physical disabilities (especially in the context of sports), and love triangles, and Playing Hurt has all of the above.

But my library didn't have it. They had her debut novel, A Blue So Dark, which looked like a great book, but a great book for someone else. Poetic prose, mental illness, exploration of art, little romance...it just wasn't my type.

But it does have a gorgeous cover, so even though I wasn't crazy about the premise, I took it out because it was good looking. Ahem.

I approached it thinking: Ok, I'll try to appreciate this book for what it is, but if I can't get into it, it'll be nice eye-candy.

Now that I've finished the book, I realized the book approached me thinking: You have no idea what I'm going to do you. I'm going to go so far inside you that you'll forget what's fictional and what's real. I'm going to bring up memories and emotions you've worked for years to forget because they hurt too much. I'm going to explore your biggest fears...

And show you there's a way out of them. I'm going to show you that you're ok.

I'm going to make you write again.

Sure, I could talk about this book's gorgeous prose, realistic characterization, incredible portrayal of relationships...but who really cares when a book does that to you?

I have no experience with mental illness, so I did not see this coming. But I had a mom, and I have best friends, and I've had crushes, and I'm a writer. And I understood Aura's experiences, even if mine were different.

I'm between projects and haven't written more than 2k in the past two weeks. I had plenty of ideas, but I wasn't inspired. I didn't remember why I wrote, and honestly, it was all starting to seem pointless.

But I read this book, and I remembered, and then I wrote. And I'll just keep writing.

Book Review: Like Mandarin by Kirsten Hubbard

It's hard finding beauty in the badlands of Washokey, Wyoming, but 14-year-old Grace Carpenter knows it's not her mother's pageant obsessions, or the cowboy dances adored by her small-town classmates. True beauty is wild-girl Mandarin Ramey: 17, shameless and utterly carefree. Grace would give anything to be like Mandarin. When they're united for a project, they form an unlikely, explosive friendship, packed with nights spent skinny-dipping in the canal, liberating the town's animal-head trophies, and searching for someplace magic. Grace plays along when Mandarin suggests they run away together. Blame it on the crazy-making wildwinds plaguing their Badlands town. Because all too soon, Grace discovers Mandarin's unique beauty hides a girl who's troubled, broken, and even dangerous. And no matter how hard Grace fights to keep the magic, no friendship can withstand betrayal. (Summary and picture are from goodreads.)

Before Like Mandarin came out, I read its query  and fell in love with the premise. I stalked kept track of the book after that, reading every ARC review and interview, following Kirsten's blog, and counting down until March 8th.

  

Then March 8th came, and I was beginning to save money for my trip to Kazakhstan, and the library didn't have it in stock yet. When the library did get it, there was always another book to read, something else to do, yada yada yada. Finally, I began the book on Tuesday, and finished it yesterday.

 I'm a slow reader, and I enjoy being a slow reader. For me, reading is like taking a vacation in another world, and I want it to last. The last book I read as quickly as I read Like Mandarin was Courtney Summer's Fall For Anything, which is an all-time favourite of mine. In fact, since Like Mandarin was the last book in my pre-Kazakhstan TBR pile, I had to stop myself from reading it in one sitting. I was hooked.

Though Like Mandarin's premise intrigued me, as I read reviews, I wondered if I'd enjoy the book as much as I first thought I would. Not that the reviews were bad--they were fantastic, actually--but they complimented Kirsten on her setting, and mentioned it was an engrossing read despite the lack of romance.

Setting bores me, and romance is my favourite part of any novel. I was a little worried.

But, I had no reason to be. Though the details of setting tends to bore me, I love books set in small towns, and Kirsten captured one perfectly with Washokey. I felt as though I was in the town as I read, and I understood how it affected the characters, how the wildwinds made people go crazy. I didn't skim over the town's physical details, because I wanted to know everything about it. 

As for the lack of romance, the relationships in this book are so real, and thus engaged me as much--if not more--than a romantic relationship would've. Grace's relationships with her sister, mother,  "friends", and Davey--I loved Davey--all fascinated me, and I believed in all of them.


Of course, Grace's relationship with Mandarin is the focus of the book, and oh my gosh, it is perfect. I've been Grace. When I was fifteen, I met a girl who only ever became an acquaintance, but was my Mandarin. Like Grace is with Mandarin, I was infatuated with her. She was beautiful in a way I'd never seen before. She often came to class in the morning, hungover, from a city twenty minutes away, after spending the night with a boy or girl  in their twenties. When she dated someone, she flirted with everyone else. Every conversation I had her with her felt like--and even now, I assume was--a test to see how experienced I was. I'm straight, but she's the one girl who made me question that.


And sometimes she came to class crying, and I realized her life wasn't the one I wanted, after all. I wish this book was around when I was fifteen, as I may have realized that sooner.


Grace and Mandarin are both three-dimensional, real, relatable characters, and it's so refreshing to see an example of how, for lack of a better term, strange a friendship can be in high school, while still seeming normal and necessary to those involved in it.

I haven't even mentioned Kirsten's prose, which is simply too good to ignore. It's gorgeous without being pretentious, poignant, and fills me with writer-envy. Her dialgoue is wonderful, too.


I got this book from the library, but I can't wait to buy my own copy. I want to reccommend it to every teenager I know.

Like Mandarin is on my all-time favourites list, and I can't wait to read the books Kirsten releases in the future.

Championing Contemporary YA: Confessions of Georgia Nicolson

The lovely Bee at Dreamcatcher's Lair is hosting Championing Contemporary YA between the 3rd and 10th of June. In her words, "Championing Contemporary YA is a movement in celebration of June as the Contemporary month over at The Contemps."  I'm thrilled to participate in this movement by discussing a few of my favourite contemporary YA books.

Today's Book: Confessions of Georgia Nicolson

In this wildly funny journal of a year in the life of Georgia Nicolson, British author Louise Rennison has perfectly captured the soaring joys and bottomless angst of being a teenager. In the spirit of Bridget Jones's Diary, this fresh, irreverent, and simply hilarious book will leave you laughing out loud. As Georgia would say, it's "Fabbity fab fab!" (Summary and picture are from goodreads.)

---

In grade nine, we often had silent reading at the beginning of English class. Nine times out of ten, I brought a Confessions of Georgia Nicolson book to class--often one I'd already read--as did nine out of ten girls in my class. 

We didn't have breaks between most classes, nor were we allowed to carry our schoolbags, so I had to bring my English books to science class. One day, my science teacher saw my book and asked me, dead serious, "What's snogging?"

And that was one of those rare times when all the girls I went to junior high with laughed together, instead of at each other. #YASaves, friends, YA saves.

Junior high was as awkward of an experience for me as it was for everyone else. But, I was so lucky to have a wonderful group of friends, who made even the worst days bearable. We all read this series. We measured any progress with boys by the snogging scale. All boys were given nicknames, much like Dave the Laugh and Robbie the Sex God. We were French immersion students, so it was natural for us to follow Georgia's example and speak in Franglais. 

I can't speak for them, but it's a safe assumption that we all saw ourselves in Georgia like I did (and we quite possibly saw each other the way Georgia sees Jas ;)). Of course, Georgia's a bit exaggerated, but everything feels so dramatic as a fourteen-year-old. Rennison captures that well, and even gives her readers a good-natured way to poke fun at themselves.

Oh, and this book is really funny. Like, really funny. Probably not the best book to bring for silent reading, as I definitely remember some girls (myself included) cracking up as they read it in class.

If I were to teach English to junior high students, I would love to assign these books to them. It's not The Giver, which I read and adored in junior high, but it's a funny, well-written series which united girls who were, more often than not, making life terrible for each other. Also, people who said they hated to read picked up this series by choice, and loved it. What more could an English teacher ask for?

For the record, I never answered my science teacher's question, because a girl I'd had issues with in the past saved me with a smart explanation, that surprisingly wasn't awkward at all. And that was a great moment. 

Championing Contemporary YA: Beatle Meets Destiny

The lovely Bee at Dreamcatcher's Lair is hosting Championing Contemporary YA between the 3rd and 10th of June. In her words, "Championing Contemporary YA is a movement in celebration of June as the Contemporary month over at The Contemps."  I'm thrilled to participate in this movement by discussing a few of my favourite contemporary YA books.

Today's Book: Beatle Meets Destiny by Gabrielle Williams

Imagine your name is John Lennon, only everyone calls you Beatle. 

And then you meet your dream girl and her name is Destiny McCartney. 

But what if you're already with the perfect girl? 

A novel about change, chance and everybody doing the wrong thing. (Summary and picture are from goodreads.)

---

I'm infatuated with Australia. One day, I will go there, hang out with all of my awesome Australian friends, and then I will buy all the books. I mean it. I will buy all of them. 

I'd heard wonderful things about Beatle Meets Destiny, so when I realized it was available in Canada land, I looked a bit like this:

That was also how I reacted as I read the book.

This is a fun, fast-paced read. It's clever and entertaining, while also emotional and hopeful. I laughed out loud multiple times (once in the middle of a Tim Horton's, which proves that I could not censor my reactions to this book), felt for the characters, and turned pages like a maniac when the plot started to get twisty. I love elements of mystery in a story, and much like another one of my favourite Aussie authors, Jaclyn Moriarty, Williams kept me guessing until everything was revealed. Despite the plot essentially being a string of (in)convenient  coincidences (to be clear, that's not a criticism. I think since Willaims committed to it, it worked well), the book itself felt so realistic. Beatle and Destiny are so believable, and I love that they talk about their family and friends in a slightly exaggerated way, because  that tends to be how we view people. Also, the dialogue is perfect. Williams captured flirting so well by showing how often it is about saying really strange things (at least, that's been my experience, and I was relieved to find Beatle and Destiny's conversations to also be randomly romantic.)

Excuse me while I fly to Australia.

Championing Contemporary YA: Twenty Boy Summer

The lovely Bee at Dreamcatcher's Lair is hosting Championing Contemporary YA between the 3rd and 10th of June. In her words, "Championing Contemporary YA is a movement in celebration of June as the Contemporary month over at The Contemps." I love contemporary YA (shocker, I know), so I'm thrilled to participate in this movement by discussing a few of my favourite contemporary YA books.

Today's Book: Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler

"Don't worry, Anna. I'll tell her, okay? Just let me think about the best way to do it."

"Okay."

"Promise me? Promise you won't say anything?"

"Don't worry." I laughed. "It's our secret, right?"

According to her best friend Frankie, twenty days in ZanzibarBay is the perfect opportunity to have a summer fling, and if they meet one boy ever day, there's a pretty good chance Anna will find her first summer romance. Anna lightheartedly agrees to the game, but there's something she hasn't told Frankie—-she's already had that kind of romance, and it was with Frankie's older brother, Matt, just before his tragic death one year ago. (Summary and picture are from goodreads.)

This book was released June 1st, 2009, and I should have read it that July.


Instead, I picked it up in the bookstore approximately a million times, stared at the cover because it's gorgeous, read the back cover and knew it was book I'd enjoy. But, I always put it back down, because I couldn't get past the title.


I was almost eighteen, an adult according to Nova Scotia's laws. I was going to university in the fall as an English major. I couldn't read books about boys--especially twenty boys!--and summer anymore. I was mature, an intellectual, someone who loved William Wordsworth and The Canterbury Tales and would force herself into liking Shakespeare (ugh, Past Me and Present Me don't get along too well.)


I do love William Wordsworth and The Canterbury Tales. The only Shakespeare play I've ever loved is 1 Henry IV (I know, but Hal's my boy), I've liked a couple others, and hated the rest. In July of 2009, I entered into the weirdest relationship of my life, and it was with boys and summer.


I went away to a small town for a week in July where no one knew me, much like Anna and Frankie do in Twenty Boy Summer (though New Brunswick isn't quite California.) I met a boy. He taught me how to flirt. He and I had conversations I'd written, but I never thought I'd get to experience. He gave the best hugs, taught me how to play basketball, and was the closest I'd ever come to something. 


Then the week ended, I went home, and had a five-minute conversation with him over MSN. That was the last time I talked to him.


And it was hard, because I missed him, because I wanted to know what would happen if we'd had more time, because we never defined what we did have and I didn't know if it was something I could miss. When I read Twenty Boy Summer almost two years later (so, last week), I was over it, but I wished I would've read this book back then. I know it would've helped, and maybe I'd have another #YASaves story to tweet.


It's hard not to get spoiler-y here, so all I'll say is that temporariness is a theme of this book, and I love the way it's handled. Ockler recognizes that nothing lasts forever, and through her characters, expresses that, sometimes, that really sucks. I love that, because it validates every single time I've missed someone, and haven't moved on when, according to everyone else, I should've. That goes for the boy I met two summers ago, and to people I miss much more deeply than that, like my mom. There's a brilliant passage on the back cover which talks about how the acceptable grieving period is three months. As any book--including this one--and any person whose ever lost someone will tell you, the grieving period never ends, and it can be as intense ten years after you lost someone as it was the day you lost them. That's really hard, and Ockler shows that it's ok for it to be that hard.


But, Ockler also shows that temporariness can be beautiful, and even hopeful. She shows how everyone you meet and everything you do shapes who you are, and thus people never really leave you. I was so hopeful after I finished this book.


That's what affected me the most about this book, but there were so many other great things about it. It made me fall in love with summer all over again, a season I honestly believe is magical. As a Nova Scotia girl whose always been in love with the ocean, I appreciated all the attention Ockler gave to the ocean. Frankie and Annie's friendship is one of the best portrayals of friendship I've ever read.


Don't judge a book by it's title.


Have you read this book? What do you think of it? What's your favourite contemporary YA book?

SNI: Shiny or Scary New Idea?

I've known for awhile what my next novel will be. I refer to it as a Shiny New Idea, but really, it's an old idea that's recently been polished. My current project either doesn't include or doesn't focus on any of the subjects my SNI would, such as friendship, a two-girls-one-guy love triangle where it's (hopefully) not obvious which girl the guy should choose, Nova Scotia, musicians, and summer.

Of course, I don't know how the novel will turn out until I write it, but I know I can write about all the topics I listed. Aspects of the project scare me--like, uh, its lack of plot--but the subject matter doesn't. 

But recently, I had a dream which inspired me (I know, please stay with me.) I've never been inspired by a dream before, but when I woke up from that one--I honestly can't remember the dream at all--I thought, "What if I write a character who ___ ?" (I know, but this idea isn't fully fledged yet--and may never be--so the rest of this post will be ambiguous. This post isn't about the idea itself.) 

I toyed around with that idea for awhile, and tried to put it in the context of a story I abandoned last summer. It still wasn't working, so I forgot about it. Then, I listened to a song I hadn't heard in awhile, and I had to pause it after the first line because I was so struck by it, and the story it sparked in my head. Once I put the novel I abandoned, the idea from the dream, and the inspiration from the song together, I had something--not enough that I could write a practice query, or even eloquently describe it now, but enough for me to explore it. 

I'm a pantser, so what scares me the most about this idea isn't that I don't fully understand it yet, but that, unlike the SNI I discussed earlier, I don't know if I can write it. It's dark, and though my novels aren't purely fluff, they're not dark. That said, my novels do have some fluff, and anything that seems romantic in this new SNI would always have a borderline disturbing quality to it. Also, worldbuilding would be crucial in this novel (though it's still contemporary), and I am slightly terrible at worldbuilding (understatement of the year.) 

I like this idea, but I don't know if I'm the person to write it. I'm scared of it. I'd love to tell you that I'll be brave and try it after I finish my current project, but I don't know, I may not. I may stick to the safe idea--which I still like--and let this one sit for awhile. I don't know what I'll do.

And that's why I'd love to hear from anyone who has been in this situation. Have you ever had a Scary New Idea? What was it? Did you try it? Did it work? Let me know in the comments!

Experimenting with Genre

It's been three weeks since I've updated this blog because:

• Midterm season, which included a research paper, an analytical paper, a portfolio for creative writing, rehearsals for my Shakespeare performance project, and actual midterms, tried to kick my butt. I fought it the best I could, which meant I neglected this blog, neglected revisions, and neglected sleep.
• Uh, I watch a lot of television.

Really, it boils down to busyness and laziness which, when combined, are productivity's biggest enemy.

As mentioned, one of the assignments I had was a portfolio for my creative writing class. We've had weekly writing assignments all semester, and the portfolio was a way to put all of them into a revised, polished package. After triple-checking to make sure it was correctly, frantically searching for all the peer-editing sheets I had to include as appendices in the black hole that is my backpack, and an epic battle with my stapler (that, for the record, my stapler won), I passed mine in Monday morning. And I felt good about what I passed in, which I didn't expect to because it was poetry portfolio.

Now, I adore poetry. I love to read it, and it was all I wrote in, uh, elementary school. Beyond what's been required for school, I haven't written poetry since then and, needless to say, the poem I wrote at seven in which I likened the bathroom to prison wasn't exactly a masterpiece (though it's infamous in my family.) So, I was worried that everything I wrote would be terrible, I'd fail the class, and my professor who is also an editor would tell all of her publishing friends to put me on their blacklists. Naturally. 

I have no idea if my portfolio will come back with an A or an F on it (yes, I only think in those two extremes), but, as I said, I felt good about it. That's because I experienced the same rush writing and revising some of the pieces that I do when I write and revise my novel (which is a far cry from poetry.) Admittedly, two of the poems that happened with had strong narrative elements to them (one was a prose-poem, and the other was a glosa), but they were still quite different from a YA novel due to length and other genre conventions. And, two of the poems I loved to write didn't have stories behind them at all. Ultimately, I wrote pieces I never would have written otherwise--pieces I never thought I could write--that I was happy with, and that was really, really cool (I know, I'm so poetic now.)

I took a break from novel revisions to focus on this project (and to, you know, pass my midterms), but I know that all the work I did for my portfolio will ultimately help me with my current novel and any future novels I write. The best gift this class has given me is the courage to experiment. Maybe I'll write more poetry, maybe I'll try a paranormal, maybe I'll attempt a dystopian. Maybe I'll experiment more within the contemporary genre. Maybe I'll enjoy it and maybe I won't. Maybe it'll work and maybe it won't. 

I think I'd like to find out.

What genre do you write? Have you written in other genres? If so, what was your experience like? If not, would you like to try? Let me know in the comments!

Road Trip Wednesday: Who Wants to Read Forever...

Road Trip Wednesday is hosted by YA Highway.

This Week's Topic: In the movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray has to relive the same day over and over. What books would you pick to read over and over for the rest of your life?

On the rare occasion when I have no new books or library books to read, these are the books I turn to:

 The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Series - Ann Brashares
I'll always remember the first time I read The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants, and the moment I realized that I could relate to every character in the novel. That was one of the first times I've ever connected with a book on that level, and oh my gosh, it was such a relief. Here were four teenage girls going through things I went through and feeling things I felt, and it was like someone was telling me, "Hey, it's ok. You're not crazy to feel the things you feel. Just human." As I read through the series, I felt as though I grew up with these girls.

I can read this book over and over again because I'm a mixture of Lena, Tibby, Carmen, and Bridget all wrapped into one, and reading their stories often feels like reading and remembering my own.

The Truth About Forever - Sarah Dessen
This is one of those books that I find it so difficult to talk about because of how much it means to me. I honestly don't know how to explain what I experienced--and still experience--as I read it, but I'll do my best. This was the exact book my teenage self needed to read, and gosh, I recognized that as I read it the first time. Macy is me. There are differences, of course; for example, I'm definitely not a runner. But, I still understand why she runs. It's why I write and dance. Her desire for perfection and her grief also ring true for me, even if I wish they didn't.

I'm talking in present tense because I'm still, figuratively speaking, a runner, I'm still a perfectionist, and I still experience grief. That's why I can read this book over and over again. We don't know Macy when she's nineteen, but I'd imagine she's quite similar to my nineteen-year-old self. She's matured, but the sixteen-year-old girl is still inside of her. Much like The Sisterhood of the Traveling of Pants, rereading this book is like reliving my life, and I can still feel so many of the feelings I felt when I was sixteen.

What book would you read over and over again for the rest of your life?

Best of 2010: Books

I have a slight obsession with end-of-the-year specials, so it's only fitting that I do a Best of 2010 miniseries on this blog. Yesterday, I talked about my favourite music and television of 2010, and today, I'll talk about my favourite books released and read in 2010.


I became obsessed with YA over the summer. Sure, I loved my Sarah Dessen and Judy Blume books, but I'd never even heard of THE HUNGER GAMES until I joined Absolute Write (why yes, it is uncomfortable to live under a rock.) I've been playing catch-up, so most of the books I read this year were not released this year. That's why I'm doing two lists: one for the best five books released in 2010, and one for the best five books I read in 2010.

Top Five Books Released in 2010

 5. Will Grayson, Will Grayson - John Green and David Levithan
I'm cheating: I haven't finished this book yet. But, I love it so much that it needs to be on this list. A book has never made me laugh and feel so much at the same time. Honestly, I'm not a fan of either Will Grayson, but it's impossible not to love Tiny Cooper. I laugh out loud pretty much every time he speaks (my favourite part of the novel thus far is when he saw a bed and said, "Look, a bed!" Seriously, I lost it...it doesn't take much to impress me.) This book isn't just funny, though. I had to put the book down and flail after reading one scene because it made me feel so much. I'm looking forward to finishing it. 

4. Some Girls Are - Courtney Summers

In making this list, I've realized that Courtney Summers is currently my favourite YA author (uh, spoiler alert.) I love her style so much, and it shines in this book. Regina's voice is uncomfortably real, to-the-point, and packed with emotion. This is such a page-turner, I-need-to-know-what-happens-next-more-than-I-need-sleep book. I love bitchy MCs (as you will see...spoiler alert), and Regina is just perfect in all her flaws.

3. Before I Fall - Lauren Oliver

Look, it's another bitchy MC! Yay! I hated Sam, but I loved that her attitude towards popularity wasn't oh-it's-so-hard-to-be-popular one I'm used to reading, but instead it she thought along the lines of, "Yeah, my life is easier because I'm popular, and that's the way it is." Her honesty is as refreshing as it is off-putting. The plot of this book is incredible as it's intricate and at times shocking, but it still makes sense (as much as a book with this premise can make sense, that is.) My favourite thing, though, is the romance in this book. In fact, it's the best romance I've read in YA. I felt and believed every moment of their relationship. These characters still haven't left me.

2. The Sky is Everywhere - Jandy Nelson 
Up until last week, I thought this book would be number one on my list, so know that it is a close runner-up (actually, my top three are all quite close.) I don't need gorgeous prose to like a book, I just need it to be honest. Well, this book is written in gorgeous and honest prose, and that's what makes it so incredible. Lennie is perfect. I understood her, gosh, did I ever understand her. Grief is hard for me to read about, but when I find a book that handles it well...I can't explain how wonderful that is, but I think all of you understand. It's like someone finally gets it, and Lennie got it, and I got it, and it was incredible. The romance in this book is wonderfully real and sweet, and gah, the entire thing is perfect.

1. Fall For Anything - Courtney Summers
There are so many things that I want to say about this book, which is why I'm going to dedicate a post to it in the new year. For now, I'll say that I've never felt as much as I have reading a book as I did when I read this book. Much like THE SKY IS EVERYWHERE, this book handles grief in way that was hard for me to read, but gosh, I needed to read it. I've known a couple Beth's, and could relate so well to Eddie's hate of her. Milo is just my favourite boy ever. Everything with Culler was thrilling and intriguing. Eddie is flawed and perfect and I've never wanted to hug a character so much. Stop reading this post and go buy this book. Seriously.


Top Five Books Read in 2010
French the llama, it was hard to narrow this list down to five. Honourable mentions go to HANDCUFFS by Bethany Griffin, BREATHING UNDERWATER by Alex Flinn, and IF I STAY by Gayle Forman.

5. Before I Die - Jenny Downham 
Honestly, I wasn't crazy about this book when I started it. I hated Tessa. I couldn't sympathize with her, even with her condition. But, as the book went on, I started to appreciate her honesty and just her raw her voice was. And there was Adam, oh, Adam. Their romance is second only to the one in BEFORE I FALL as my favourite YA romance. It was the same thing: I felt every moment of their relationship and it was beautiful and terrifying and completely heartbreaking. It took me awhile to get into this book, but by the time I was finished? I couldn't get it out of my head.

4. Looking for Alaska - John Green
This is the first YA book I read when I started to play-catch up, and I'm so glad it was. It helped me understand what YA is, which is when I realized that it's everything I love: honest, fast-paced, and incredibly emotional. This was also my first introduction to John Green, which led to me discovering the vlogbrothers and nerfighteria, which is just awesome. It's an incredible book, but it means a lot to me as well, and that's why it's number four on this list.

3. Cracked Up to Be - Courtney Summers
By now it should be obvious that I love Courtney Summers, yes? I think I'm one of the few people who prefers this book to SOME GIRLS ARE, though FALL FOR ANYTHING is definitely my favourite. Parker's another bitchy MC and gosh, I love her for it. The voice in this book is incredible, as it is in all of Courtney's books. My favourite thing about the book, though,  is Parker's relationship with Chris. It's just so perfectly real and messed up. This book is raw and uncomfortable and I loved every word of it.

2. The Sky Always Hears Me and the Hills Don't Mind - Kirstin Cronn-Mills
Why haven't more people read this book? I think it's the perfect coming-of-age book. Morgan's life certainly has issues, but it's not an issue book, it's just an honest representation of the life of a sixteen-year-old. Morgan's confusion over Derek, Rob, and Tessa is so real, and so well-done. My favourite thing about the book is the small town setting (I always love small town settings), and Morgan's overwhelming desire to just get out. I know tons of sixteen-year-old who can relate to that feeling. Heck, I didn't even grow up in a small town, but I pretty much felt like that since I was twelve until I graduated. Morgan's just such a real character and I see her in myself.

1. The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
I hate to be so obvious with my number one pick, but I love this book as much as everyone I said I would. It's the first dystopian I've read since THE GIVER back in grade six, so I wasn't sure how much I'd like it. Well, once Peeta was introduced, I was sold. Seriously, biggest crush on a fictional character ever, which says something. I'm not a huge fan of Katniss, to be honest (which is why her and Peeta isn't one of my favourite YA romances), but I definitely rooted for her. This book is  so intense and I had to put it down a couple of times (understatement) because I couldn't deal with it. But, I always picked the book back up again, because I needed to know what happened. And because of Peeta. It's funny, because I'd read the descriptions for CATCHING FIRE and MOCKINGJAY (note that I haven't read MOCKINGJAY yet, so no spoilers, though I'm 99% sure I already know the two biggest spoilers), so I knew that certain people needed to survive the games. Well, I pretty much convinced myself that it was some sort of marketing scheme by the publishers that all of you were in on, because I didn't see how they could survive until the end of book. Seriously, I was surprised when they did! So many things surprised me in this book that I would've seen coming if I hadn't been so into it. I was right there with Katniss at the games, and I felt everything she did.

What books have you read/enjoyed on these lists? What are your favourite books of 2010?

Have a fun and safe New Year's Eve, and I'll see you in 2011!

Wishlist for the YA Genre

On the Playlist: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing - Carrie Underwood

Considering all the time we spend reading YA, reading about YA, blogging about YA, and of course, writing YA, I think it's fair to say that the genre owes us a Christmas present or two. What could the YA genre give you this Christmas to make you love it just a little bit more? Note that though I'd love to see more of everything on my list in YA books, I don't necessarily want to see these items replace anything else. This list isn't a criticism of what the genre lacks, but rather what I'd personally love to see more of in the future. Also, if you know of any books like the ones I mention in my list, please tell me about them in the comments!

My Wishlist:

• Books centered around football. I don't watch football and can't understand it for the life of me, but I'm slightly obsessed with football movies and television shows. Think Friday Night Lights (the television show, because I'm a terrible person and haven't read the book yet), so it goes beyond I'm-dating-the-quarterback, but that's still a part of it. I'd actually love to see a football book focused on the male relationships within the team, because I'm fascinated with male/male friendship. 
• On that note, books that focus on male/male friendships.
• More boys in general, really. Not because I think they're underrepresented in YA, necessarily, but because I love boys and I'm shameless like that.
• I think I'd like to see more unrequited love. Not the kind where the boy would never like the girl because he's so much more popular than she is, but ones where the readers think there really is a chance that the main character will get the boy or girl they want, and the boy or girl just isn't interested in that way. 
• More attention paid to characters' passions, what they want to pursue after high school. Don't get me wrong, I love hormone-crazy teens, but I was a hormone-crazy teen who wrote and danced throughout high school. I want to see what teens love other than each other.
• A really good mystery, and I think what makes a mystery great is a satisfying and sensible ending that's still a little shocking. I love mysteries so much, and would love to write one (this is coming from the girl who fails at plotting), but I'm not finding many examples in the YA genre. I could be looking in the wrong places, though, so please let me know if you know of any awesome YA mysteries.

What's your wishlist for the YA Genre? Do you know any books that fit with my/a commenter's list? Let me know in the comments!

Road Trip Wednesday #46: (Fictional) Friends Forever

On the Playlist: Empire State of Mind - Glee Cast (!!!)

"Road Trip Wednesday is a "Blog Carnival," where YA Highway's contributors post a weekly writing- or reading-related question and answer it on our own blogs. You can hop from destination to destination and get everybody's unique take on the topic.

This Week’s Topic:
If you went to high school with your characters, would you be friends?" (Taken from the Road Trip Wednesday page)

This is my first time participating in Road Trip Wednesday because I love this topic so much. The fact is, I love all of my characters dearly, but there are only three that I might have been friends with.

Building Forts is an interesting one, because I think I would’ve been part of Chase's group of friends, but I would've been the odd one out. Terri would be why I was in the group at all; we'd be friends. I would've really liked Chase and wished to be his friend, but pre-accident he would've intimidated me, even though Chase is not very intimidating. I was just a bit of a mess around cute guys in high school. And, Chase is a dancer! That would've put me over the edge. If it weren't for Callie, I may have befriended him post-accident. But, Callie and I would never have been friends, and she's my favourite of all my characters. I would've seen her as a slut, and that would've been that. I was so close minded in high school, even if I'd never admit it. Darren and I wouldn't have said two words to each other.

As for my new WIP (the last piece I teased from), Alexis and I would've been friends who hate each other as much as they love each other. I would've admired Nathan from afar, but he, like Chase, would've intimidated me (though Nate actually is a little intimidating). Tilly (MC) and I just wouldn't have been friends at all. Like with Darren, we could've gone through all of high school without talking to each other.

I find this so interesting because if I'd somehow gotten to know Callie and Tilly as people in high school, we would've been friends. Like, if we'd met in university without knowing anything about the other's reputation, we'd get along just fine. However, reputation means so much in high school, and that would've stopped us from being friends.

Speaking Loudly

I’ve wanted to speak loudly, but I haven’t known what to say. I still don’t, to be honest. This is what I do know:

• I love Jesus
• I hate book banning
• There are people who need to read SPEAK that haven’t read it yet

And those three points are what this post comes down to. I went on Twitter this morning to find the #speakloudly campaign. The cliffnotes version of the story is that Dr. Wesley Scroggins wrote an opinion piece saying that SPEAK by Laurie Halse Anderson should be banned from schools because, you know, the rape scenes are soft-core porn.

Say it with me: What?!

I’m a Christian and my faith is my life. Really, my faith is why I have life. I can’t stand it when people use Christianity as a reason to ban books because, well, it’s wrong.

Seriously, have you read the Bible? It’s messy. But, it has to show the sin to show the consequences of it. Honestly, I think that’s what most YA books do. SPEAK does not advocate rape; it shows what devastating consequences it has on the victim, and encourages the victim to speak out about it.

Problems won’t go away if we stop writing about them.

But they might if we start.

What if no one wrote about rape? What if no one talked about rape? It would still happen, and I’m willing to bet it would happen more than it does now.

So, let’s write about it, and all the other messy things in the world. Let’s talk about them. Let’s speak loudly. Maybe then, we can change things.

I sound naïve. I’m not. Change is slow. But, change will stop if we stop. We can’t silence the voices that are speaking loudly. We need to join them.

What are Your Characters Geeky About?

On the Playlist: Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

I’m a university student and my classes for the fall semester began on Wednesday. My first class was Canadian Poetry, and before my professor told our class about her relationship with Canadian poetry, she said, “I’ll try not to cry.”

And that’s when I knew I’d love that class.

“Whatever you were geeky about in high school,” she told us, “That’s what I was like with Canadian poetry.”

Before I know anything else about a character, I know what they’re geeky about. It always reveals so much about them to me. For example, Callie in Building Forts is geeky about math, which fits with how she treated her life like a formula pre-Chase.

I love to see YA characters that are hormone crazy, but I love to see them being just as crazy about chemistry or photography or basketball or anything. I just think it reveals so much about them.

So, I’m curious: what are your characters geeky about? What does it say about them? Tell me in the comments, write a blog post, whatever you want, I’d just love to hear from you.

First Time in Revision Land

On the Playlist: How Many Kings - Downhere

I'll warn you in advance, this post gets rambly and self-indulgent. Sorry. That was not my intention. It's just one of those nights where I need to question everything.

I was a fanfiction writer before I wrote Building Forts. All I knew were first drafts. I’d write a chapter, edit it a little, post it, and continue that way until the story was finished. After I wrote the last chapter, I was done with the story, and ready to shift my focus to a different fanfic.

Now that I’m near the end of Building Forts (I know, I’ve been near the end for weeks now. You’ll see why), I want to follow the same pattern. But, of course, I won’t be anywhere near done with the story after I finish the last chapter. The problem is that when I think of all the work I still have to do to make it beta-ready, let alone query-ready, I can’t help but wonder if I’m wasting my time, if there’s even a chance that this novel could sell, if I’m just not that great of a writer yet and I should write (not revise) a few more novels for experience before querying.

It seems so easy to start over with a new WIP. It’s a chance for me to do everything I should’ve done with Building Forts: make a timeline (not quite an outline) so five scenes aren’t happening with the same characters at the exact same time, save it all in one document (seriously, this was a surprisingly big issue with BF), and actually finish scenes instead of saying, “Oh, I’ll fill in the spaces later” (it’s later, and I still don’t know how to fill in the spaces).

And, of course, I like this WIP. I feel like I understand the characters’ motivation a bit better than I did with BF, though it’s always a little murky at the beginning. I know exactly what’s at stake for the characters. It’s more of a romance than BF is, and I’ve really missed writing stories that are intense romances.

Honestly, when I started this post, I thought I’d be talking about why I need to revise BF before focusing on this new WIP. Now, I’m not so sure what I should do. I don’t know if it’s just fear of the unknown that makes me wary to start revisions, or if some of my above fears are valid. I’d definitely come back to it, but maybe what I need is some space. Then again, sometimes I open the document for BF and go, “Wow, I know exactly how to make this better.” Others, I open it and go, “Wow, this just sucks.”

I know this decision is mine to make, but I’m curious to know what your first time in Revision Land was like. Did you love it? Hate it? Take a thousand detours so you’d never actually get there (that would be me)? Let me know!

Teaser Tuesday

On the Playlist: Scars – Allison Iraheta (Callie’s theme song!)

Time for another tease! I think this is the fluffiest snip I’ve shared, and it may be a little too fluffy, but hopefully others enjoy the cheese as much as I do. I love Callie and Chase most when the fight, but it’s nice when they’re just sweet and squishable.

Chase was invited to teach at a dance convention (BEAT), and Callie is trying to show him how much he loves teaching to get him to agree. So, she took him to a park where he used to take his students to see if that inspired him.

---

“Teach me like you taught your students,” I tell him, climbing on top of the picnic table. “It’ll be just like the night we danced together in the cold, when you told me to dance like the wind.”

His grin twists into a smirk. “With the wind.”

I shrug. “Same difference.”

“Ok then,” Chase says. He’s still grinning and I kind of want to jump his bones. Minus the kind of. “Dance like the wind.”

I dance like the wind.

In other words, I flail my body around like a total spaz until I fall off the table and into the snow.

Chase is laughing one of those full, beautiful laughs, and all I want to do is capture the sound with my mouth and keep it forever.

I know that I’m why he’s so happy, and that’s a much better thought than I’m why he can’t walk, dance, or live. “You like me, don’t you?” I ask as I stand up and brush the snow off me.

“Yeah, a little,” he says.

“You really like me."

Chase nods really quickly. I love it when he moves.

“Why?” I ask. It’s not that I’m some insecure girl who doesn’t believe that anyone could like me, but rather that I honestly don’t know what’s likeable about me.

“Well,” he says, wheeling himself over to me. “You’re fun. And yeah, you may not care about many people, but you give the people you care about everything you have. It doesn’t hurt that you’re really hot, either.”

Wow. Who knew?

“I like you too,” I tell him. “A lot.”

“Why?” he asks, his tone teasing. He’s close enough that I can feel his words on my lips. Seriously, he needs to figure out how to keep his dick up so he can do me now, right here in the snow.

I wonder why people think I'm a slut.

“You’re sweet,” I tell him. “And your passion for people and life is just really cool and inspiring.” I smirk then say, “It doesn’t hurt that you’re really hot, either.”

Finally, our ridiculous grins come together, and we make out like the horny, happy teenagers we are.

Stage One of Get Chase Back on BEAT was a failure.

That’s ok. I’d rather have him with me than have him teaching again.

Teaser Tuesday

On the Playlist: Lead Me On - Gloriana

It's teaser time, and this one is a little different. It's still from Building Forts, but it's from Revision Land, though it's still unedited (uh, yeah). Before I created the chapter this scene's from, Callie and Chase met, had maybe two conversations, got into the accident together, then were like LOLYAYLET'SDATE, which isn't really like either of them. So, my goal with this scene (and others) is to make the development of their relationship a bit more natural.

Callie and Chase met a couple of hours ago when their families had dinner together (well, officially met. They'd been ~intrigued~ by each other before). Moira, Callie's aunt, asked Chase to give Callie a tour of the apartment building, which neither of them actually wanted to do, but they did anyway. They're on that tour now. So yes, this is pre-accident, pre-relationship, pre-everything.

It was fun writing a scene so early in the story to see how my characters have changed. Callie was even snarkier :P

---


“Oh!” Chase says after we pass the mailboxes. Apparently, the keys can be tricky, but you just need to jiggle them a little! Seriously. Kill me now. It’s the only chance I have to die happy. The next stop on the tour is sure to send me into a spiral of depression that will turn me into one of those women who yells at daytime soaps while eating ice-cream on Wednesday afternoons, a.k.a my beautiful, incredible, pathetic mother. “The laundry room! I can show you the laundry room!”

I really hope he’s making some sort of joke that I don’t get.

Chase legitimately runs to the laundry room and I fake enthusiasm by saying, “Are the washers top-load or side-load?” Totally believable.

“Side,” Chase answers, bored. Uh, dying a slow death is my bit. He is totally trying to steal my thunder.

And the rumors are true, the washers are side-load. I lean against one as Chase explains how to start them—useful, but I hate that he talks to me like I’m some sort of dumb spoiled brat. I mean, I am a spoiled brat, but I’m not stupid—and then I’m flying across the room.

I look behind me to see that the door opened. I turn around to find Chase pretty much pissing himself laughing. Charming. “What was that?” I ask.

“That machine has an attitude problem,” he answers. “Too much pressure and she snaps.” He walks over so he’s leaning against the washer on my left. “This one,” he says, “This one’s scared. It never starts, just makes excuses: too full, the door’s not locked, et cetera. And then this fighter,” he hits the machine on his left, “Does every job it’s asked to do, even when it’s given so much detergent that it gets sick.”

Chase sits on the fighter, so I sit on the one that’s terrified of life. “I started doing everyone’s laundry after my parents divorced,” Chase explains. “Just to make things easier on my mom, you know?”

“That’s sweet.” I’m actually not being sarcastic.

“Anyway, I got to know the machines,” Chase says, “Who they are—you know I’m not crazy, right?”

“No, but this is the most entertained I’ve been all night.”

Chase and I share one of those smiles that make other people hate you because you’re hogging happiness.

Teaser Tuesday

Hi guys! It’s been awhile since I’ve teased, thanks to the fact that I’ve entered Revision Land. My first draft is so close to being finished, but I didn’t want to write the actual end until I’d sorted out the mess that was the beginning. Now that’s done, and I’m back to finishing the first draft, so I have new material to tease.

Callie and Chase are spending the weekend alone in a hotel room together so they can attend a dance convention that Chase is teaching at. It’s his first real teaching job since he became paralyzed. Callie knows that if all goes well, Chase won’t need her anymore. This scene is the night before that class.

I definitely won’t have time to read all the teasers tonight, but I promise that I will read and comment on each one eventually.

---

Chase moves me, and then he kisses me. It’s so hard and deep and full that I’m sure the world’s moving around us, but his kiss has enough power to keep me as still as he has to be.

Wow.

I don’t care anymore. I don’t care that tomorrow will change us, that I don’t click with his friends, that I don’t know what either of us will be doing after graduation, that I’m still a stupid, spoiled, slutty girl to everyone but Chase, that I lost my virginity to the world’s biggest douchebag, that I lost my best friend because I lost my virginity, that Moira doesn’t care about me, that my parents probably resent me for how selfish I was this year, that Chase is paralyzed, that I’m why he’s paralyzed, or that even after all these dance lessons and conversations and moments that seemed to matter, I’m still a mess of a person.

I care about Chase. And he’s kissing me and he's great, and together we’re great, and with him I’m great, and if I think about tomorrow now and how ungreat it will be my heart will actually, physically break.

But Chase keeps kissing me, so I push tomorrow out of my mind, out of us, out of our moment.

“You’re, uh,” I say when he comes up for air, and then feel stupid. Words aren’t enough for this moment. I need confetti, or firecrackers, or an earthquake because gosh that’s what this feels like, like everything’s shifting and shaking under me and I have no control. I just have to change as the earth does. “You’re like an earthquake.”

“Destructive?” he breathes the word into my mouth and I cream my pants.

“No,” I say. “Changing.”

Chase’s eyes widen at this, and after one, sweet kiss, he leaves my body.

Teaser Tuesday

Hi guys! I’m super busy today with a job interview and Glee finale celebrations (!!!), so I probably won’t get to all the teasers today. I promise that I will get to all of them eventually, though!

So, today’s teaser. Callie and Chase are a couple now. Darren flipped out at her because he thinks she’s dating him because she feels guilty about the accident. Terri flipped out at because she thinks Callie’s dating him so she can make dating the dude in a wheelchair her good-deed-of-the day. So, after those two fights Callie left school, and went to the hospital to see Chase. This is their visit.

---

“Darren’s a jerk.”

Chase looks at me like I just told him the sky is blue. “That’s not exactly breaking news.”

He looks so tired, as he should. We were up all night. Still, adrenaline caused by pissed-off-ness and caffeine run through me, make me wired, make me awake, make me alive.

“It is to me,” I say. My words are quick, because if I don’t tell this to someone, I might forget, and this is too important. “I always thought that it was me. That he wouldn’t love me or date me or even be my friend after we had sex because there was something wrong with me.”

“Callie—"

“So, I changed myself. It was easy, really. Shorter skirts, tighter tops. Always laugh too loudly. Drink a lot, have a lot of sex. Don’t ever tell anyone that you’re sad, ever, or even that you’re happy. Only feel what you’re supposed to feel. Anything else isn’t real.”

“What’s—”

“But what I didn’t get was that my feelings were real, and it was that stupid world that was fake. And, you know what? Darren still didn’t like me. It’s not me. It was never me. He’s just such a douchebag.”

I feel like I dry-swallowed a pill, and it’s stuck in my throat. It hurts, but it’ll make me better. It hurts, because I lost my virginity to a douchebag. It’ll make me better, because now I know he’s a douchebag.

I wish he was here so I could call him a douchebag over and over again.

“I don’t know what you’re saying.”

That’s fair. Chase doesn’t know that entire school thinks I’m an awful, slutty wackjob, and he doesn’t have to. “I’m saying,” I explain, “That I’m not me, because I changed for him. Now, I want to go back. I need to figure out who I am now. Find out what’s real.”

Cheesy, but he should get the point. “That’s,” he pauses, “Great? Terrifying? What?”

“Both, and a little more. And, I need you.”

This is the hard part. Chase’s eyebrows furrow, which makes sense. He can’t move, so he can’t do many favours. All I need for this one, though, is his heart.

“Judy told me that you tell your dancers to discover, accept, and express their feelings.” I hope he notices that I used tell instead of told. Chase turns red. “Yeah, it’s right out of a self-help book, but it’s good. That’s what I need to do.”

“What do you need me for?” he asks.

“Well, they do that through dance, with your help. So, I thought maybe you could help me.”

“You want me to teach you?”

“Yeah.”

All You Need is Love

On the Playlist: You Give Me Something - James Morrison

I have started three different novels out of frustration with Building Forts (my WIP).

Two were ideas I’ve played around with before, and one was new. They’re all easy to write. I don’t get frustrated with them like I do with Building Forts. They don’t drain me like Building Forts does.

I don’t love them like I love Building Forts.

Is it safe to say that we all get tired of our WIPs? I think it’s natural. I was watching a Project Runway rerun today, and Tim Gunn told a designer that it was good that he was sick of his collection; if he wasn’t, it would be because he hadn’t spent enough time with it.

And, excuse the following generalizations, but we spend a lot of times with our WIPs. We think about them. We try to get inside of our characters’ heads. We plot. We revise. And, between all of that and some more, we actually write our novels.

But, there’s a reason we makes ourselves sick of our WIPs: we love them. So, I want you to tell me why you love your WIP. Forget that you still don’t know what Character X’s motivations are, that the writing in a scene is sloppy, or that you really don’t know where your novel is going (that’s me!). Just tell me why you love it. Don’t hesitate to be self-indulgent, or even to be a little cocky. I want to know why you spend as much time with your WIP as you do.

Here’s mine:

I love my main character, Callie. I love her snark. I love her dirty mind. I love that, though she hides it well, she’s very insecure. I love her selfishness.

I love that in writing this novel, I get to help her discover who she really is.

Your turn!

Teaser Tuesday

Today, my goal is to reply to every comment that's been left on this blog. I feel so bad that I've fallen behind and haven't replied to you guys! First, though, it's time for another teaser from my WIP, "Building Forts." In this tease, Callie's spending the night with Chase in the hospital (she snuck in). Chase is in the hospital because he's paralyzed. Hope you like it!

---

It’s almost three in the morning, so we’ve exhausted all conversation topics from so, how do you use the bathroom when you’re paralyzed? to I like Chinese food, how 'bout you? to now, “There was a fire drill at school the other day.”

“We’ve had more of those since you started going here,” Chase says, then laughs at my dropped jaw.

I hit him, and wonder if he can feel it. “You’re a jerk.” The ultimate flirtation: hit a guy, and call him a jerk in a whiny voice while giggling. Chase smiles, so, of course, it worked.

“Speaking of school,” he says. “Isn’t this past your bedtime for a school night?”

I shrug. “I’ll skip tomorrow.”

“I’d love to go to school right now.”

“I’ll drink lots of coffee.”

The lull that follows isn’t the first of the night, nor is it the first time I use the silence to play the what-part-of-Chase-I-want-to-touch-the-most game. Anything below the belt is pointless because he won’t feel it, which is a weird twist of fate. The upper body is pretty foreign to me; Darren isn’t exactly one for foreplay, more of a get in then get out kind of guy. Chase has the abs for some foreplay, though.

There’s part of me that knows kissing him is ridiculous. There’s a bigger part of me that wants to kiss him.

So, I do.

It’s not a moment of bliss or ecstasy or anything that I felt with Darren. It’s awkward, a little wet, and we both keep our eyes open. I’m very aware—too aware—that we’re kissing. The world doesn’t disappear; we’re in a hospital, and no matter how much I want to, I don’t forget that.

I’ve never known a kiss to feel this real before. It’s nice.

I end the kiss, and wait for Chase to speak.

Apparently, he’s waiting for me to speak too, because his lips that were so active moments ago now are still as can be. “That was nice,” I try, even though it was better than nice.

“One word for it,” Chase says, and I want to hear the other words. “It wasn’t how I imagined it would be.”

That may be a bad thing, but he imagined it, and that makes me happier than it should. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it was my first kiss,” he says, and that surprises me. Guess everyone’s not as slutty as I am. “And I always thought I’d…walk over to the girl, take her face in my hands, and then kiss her. It was better than that, though. Kind of forgot about everything when you kissed me; we weren’t in a hospital anymore, it was just us.” He hesitates. “Also thought I’d be better at it.”

“You were good.”

“Thanks. You were amazing.”

“Practice makes perfect.” Right. Kiss a guy then imply that you’ve kissed many guys, many times, before. Way to make him feel good.