I've always wanted to be a teacher.
I was always the teacher when I played school with my cousins, it, all of my jobs and most of my volunteer work has involved some form of teaching or mentoring, and I would daydream about my lesson plans.
I'm in my third year of university, at the point where I have to plan for my Bachelor of Education, or for grad school, or for anything else that will shape my future. And, I'm not sure I want to be a teacher anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I still love teaching, and it's still an option, but now it's one of many options; it's no longer the plan. The hardest part of this is the feeling that I'm betraying my ten-year-old self. I always wanted to be a teacher, but always just ended.
You know what else I wanted when I was ten? For my first published books to be a series entitled The Tank Top Girls, all about three girls in a band who wore tank tops and occasionally dated the Backstreet Boys, and for all of this to happen when I was sixteen, eighteen at the latest.
It won't surprise you, or even me, to learn that didn't happen, and now I'm a twenty-year-old unpublished writer working on her second novel, who never finished the million book project that was The Tank Top Girls.
But, there are tons of aspects of the last ten years of my life that have surprised my, like my friends, faith, jobs, passions, school, and all the awesome, little surprises that come in-between.
The point is that everything changes, you never know where life will take you, yada yada yada. And, through that, your goals may change. And that's ok.
To be clear, this is not me telling you to give up on your dreams, or that it's bad to make goals. What I do want to say is not to get caught up in what could've or should've been, and instead in what could be. It's ok if your writing hasn't gone the way you planned, because maybe you're on your way to something better.
My ten-year-old self thought I'd be a published writer by now, working towards a Bachelor of Education. It would surprise her to know that I'm not, and actually in the I don't know what to do with my life stage that she was so sure she'd skip.
But, I'm still writing, I'm still doing what I love, and I think she'd be ok with that.
4 comments:
I think the ten-year-old you would love that you're writing, too.
btw, The Tank Top Girls sounds hilarious. I hope you kept whatever you wrote back then :)
Teaching is one of those things where you have to know if it's really what you want. You put so much of yourself into your work, for very little pay and (at least here in the States) belittling - that's not something you want to get into half-heartedly, and I think your 10-year-old self will understand that.
I'm going to have a teaching certificate in June. I still don't know what I'm going to do. Am I going to stay around here and try to substitute teach until full-time positions open up? Am I going to try to find other states with full-time positions and move to one of those? Am I going to go overseas and teach there for a few years? I think that no matter what you're going to run into that whole not knowing thing. And that's okay, too. And even kind of exciting...well, at least right now it is haha.
Hey, The Tank Top Girls sounds awesome. Don't give up on it ;)
Dreams and plans change. I think most people go through a stage where they're not sure what they want to do with their lives. My ten-year-old self wanted to be a writer and would be thrilled to know I've written several books now. She probably wouldn't be thrilled that I'm not published yet, but whatever, I have more patience than she did ;)
And The Tank Top Girls sounds great!
Rida - I'm sure it's all in a notebook somewhere! Will have to dig it up sometime :)
Steph - It's the same in Canada land, unfortunately. Honestly, when I tell people that I may not want to be a teacher after all, they tend to be releived for me :P Good luck with your teaching! Glad my project's getting so much support ;)
Linda - They do change, and I wonder why that's such a hard concept for me to grasp. I think your ten-year-old self would be happy, too!
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