Why We Shouldn't Ignore Our Weaknesses

I love dance, but I am not a good dancer.

I do all the moves pictured on the left every night in my basement. Seriously.

In elementary school, I enrolled in every week-long summer dance camp I could, the ones taught by high  school students in gymnasiums that claimed to be combination of hip-hop, jazz, modern, and contemporary, all at the same time. The first age appropriate song I performed to was "Waiting for Tonight" by Jennifer Lopez, and a couple years later, I made my debut as a co-choreographer with a piece to "Space Cowboys" by N*SYNC. I did not gain any technique from these experiences, but they were fun, and a huge part of why I decided to look for a studio.

The first studio I joined is one of the most respected ones in my city, and I joined a hip-hop class like any suburban girl would. And I loved it. The class was small, my teacher was awesome, it was fun, and I was half decent at it. Problem was, the class was so small that the studio had to cancel it, though they encouraged me to sign up for the intermediate class when the next term started. So, I signed up.

I was so intimidated during the first intermediate class that it became my last. My classmates were real dancers, who were older, taller, skinner; who dressed like dancers and wore their hair in ponytails; who picked up choreography like that; who could perform moves I only saw in So You Think You Can Dance.

I wasn't an intermediate dancer, so I quit. My friend, who actually is a wonderful dancer, was part of a different studio, and from her recitals and competitions, I knew their choreography was easier than what I'd tried to do. I joined their hip-hop/jazz class, and took it for two years. The class was really a jazz class--with the occasional booty shake--yet I learned little technique beyond pointing my toes. But, that was what I signed up for, and though it always took me awhile to pick up choreography, hitting the moves was rarely the problem.

When I watched the DVD of my performance back, I realized why I didn't struggle with the steps in class. Unless we were doing a move that required the use of our arm, we were told to put our hands behind our back, because we'd look messy if we didn't. The problem with that is there were moves where we needed to use our arms, and mine looked more like spaghetti than anything else. They were weak, flimsy, awkward, and everything else a dancer shouldn't be. In class, we never worked on strengthening our arms, because they were hidden most of the time, anyway.

You can't put your hands behind your back when you write.

My weakness as dancer was my arms, and one of my weaknesses as a writer (definitely not my only, and the easiest one to fit into this analogy) is setting. When my hands were behind my back, that didn't matter. When setting isn't important to a scene, it doesn't matter.

But, when I had to use my hands? My weakness showed, and it was so obvious that it ruined my entire performance. When I get to a point where I have to mention setting? Well, in revisions for my current project, I realized my paraplegic character left the hospital much sooner than he should have, which of course affected the time-line of the entire novel.

It's easy to ignore our weaknesses, to put our hands behind our back and hope no one notices. But, if there's one element of writing we should focus on (especially in revisions), it should be the one we least want to confront, the one we're worst at.

It's important we stay in the intermediate class, even when we're intimidated by it, because we won't grow as writers if we stay in a class where we're comfortable, and our flaws are hidden behind our backs.

What are your weaknesses as a writer? Are you working on them? How so? 

Road Trip Wednesday: Sing, Sing a Song...

Road Trip Wednesday is hosted by YA Highway. 

This Week's Topic: If your WIP or favorite book were music, what song(s) would it be?

I love this topic so much. I posted Building Forts' playlist awhile ago, and though those songs are still on it, it has changed from a focused playlist of twenty-three songs to a mess of, uh, 161 songs and counting, which you can see here if you're interested. Any song that reminds me of a scene in my novel makes the cut--whether because of music, lyrics, or both--and I can justify every song on that playlist (yes, including Like a G6), even if the connection's a bit of a stretch.

Needless to say, it was difficult to narrow my novel down to one song for this post. Many of the songs in the playlist represent specific scenes, so those are out, but there are also a fair number which fit the overall theme. So, honourable mentions go to every song by Thriving Ivory, "Car Crash" by Wakey!Wakey!, "Fix You" by Coldplay, "For Blue Skies" by Strays Don't Sleep, "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, and "Falling" by The Civil Wars. 

The song I think best represents my novel, however, is "Corner of Your Heart" by Ingrid Michaelson.

This was not the first song that came to mind when I read the prompt, because I don't write to it near as often as I write to the songs above. But, it is exactly what my MC, Callie, does throughout the novel. She has two romantic relationships, and though one is considerably healthier than the other, in both she gives the guy everything she has for next to nothing in return, her whole heart for a corner of his.

I also want to share this dance to this song, because I discovered it long after I began this novel, and was shocked by how the male dancer just is Chase. It's kind of ridiculous. He even has the right hair!

What song would your WIP be?

What Fuels You?

I am burned out.

The past month or so has easily been one of the craziest ones of my life, for both good and bad reasons. However, I finished exams on Wednesday and moved out of my dorm room yesterday, and now I feel a bit like someone stopped me mid-marathon and said, "It's ok, you can rest now." But, since I'm halfway through the marathon, I want to finish.

I'm currently unemployed open to opportunities, which means the best way for me to maintain my momentum is to write. Yet, I haven't opened my novel's document since I've been home.

The next scenes I have to write are big, messy ones, which have to drain me in order to be effective. The problem is, right now, there's nothing left to drain.

Of course, sleep will help with that, and I've convinced myself Boy Meets World marathons will as well. Then, I'll at least have the motivation to unpack, search for a job, and all those other things I need to do. But, to write? Not only to write, but to write scenes that will drain me all over again? I'll need more fuel than that to return to my novel, and to start my summer writing schedule where I'll spend more time with my novel in a day than I do in a week throughout the school year.

Above all else, I write my novel because I care about my characters, and need to tell their story. But, when I need motivation beyond that? I, shocker, turn to dance. Yesterday, though, I did more than just dance. I made a dance playlist for my novel.

And it was so much fun. I've come across dances before which remind me of my novel, as well as ones which have inspired dance scenes in my novels, but I also hunted for videos that would capture the moments I needed captured. Most of those scenes are dance scenes, and it was so cool when I found videos that looked like what I imagined. The first video, for example, just is the first scene of the novel.

I spent an embarrassing amount of time putting the dances in order, thinking about which ones best represent each moment, and how the playlist itself flows as a story arc. I cut dances which reminded me of my novel, but were fillers as opposed to scenes, just like I do when I revise. I made sure the dancers I used represented my characters in the way they danced, and in some cases, taught. Sometimes I had to ignore the fact that the dancers in the videos are, well, better dancers than my characters, but I did try to match skill level where possible.

Every time I watch the playlist, I get excited about my novel, and want to write it. Not all the dances look exactly as I imagined, of course, but the emotion behind them is always the emotion in the scenes they represent. That's all the fuel I need.

Beyond your love for your story and your characters, what fuels you write it? Is it a music playlist, pictures, videos, etc.? Let me know in the comments!

When You Feel Like a Fraud

I have been hiding out in a cave, where I have worked on essays, studied for exams, and written a polyphonic piece of nonfiction.

All of this was for school, but one of these things is clearly not like the others. The nonfiction piece was for my creative writing class, the same one which I wrote poetry for a couple months ago. I had less experience with nonfiction than I did with poetry--that is, I had none--and I'd never even heard the term polyphonic until the professor taught it to us.

As I worked on the project, I felt like a fraud. Who am I to write about my life? Who am I to put passages from other texts, including the Bible, into my story? Aren't they too good, too important for it?

Those questions led to others. What am I doing in a creative writing class when I'm clearly not experienced enough for it? How can I claim to have a voice as a writer? Who am I to edit my peers' pieces? What makes me think I can pull this metaphor off? Do I really know how to use a semi-colon? 

Who am I to call myself a writer?

That's a question I ask myself all the time as I work on novels. It's easy to feel like you're faking it as a writer and that, one day, someone will realize how little you know and call you a fraud, because you are one.

But really, we're all faking it. All we can do is use what we do know to produce our best work, and to continue learning. We'll never know everything, and that's ok.

Whenever I feel like a fraud as a writer, "Swing the Cellar Door" by Hey Rosetta! makes me feel better.

I'm sorry to reduce you to this useless imagistic bullshit, but maybe that's all I got

and

I'm sorry to confuse with some foolish thing that misses truth, but maybe that's all we are

and

I'm sorry to abuse you with this ruthlessly sadistic music, but maybe that's all I want, I'm just a really pretentious guy

Maybe all we've got--useless, foolish, pretentious, or wrong as it may seem--is exactly what we need to write some awesome stuff. Only one way to find out.

I felt like I faked my way through my nonfiction piece, but I was truthful when I wrote it, worked hard on it, and took risks with it. That was all I had, and when I passed my piece in, I knew it was enough.

See you on Wednesday, when I'll move out of my cave for four months.

When We Need Our Novels

So, hi. It's been awhile, and I honestly am sorry for that. Excuses, excuses, but the past two weeks or so have been insane, and for once, it wasn't (entirely) because of schoolwork. I've had to make multiple decisions this week--some which I expected to make and others which were a total surprise--that will have a great impact on my life for the next twelve months or so, which meant that even when I had free time, all I wrote were pros and cons lists.

My novel is slowly--oh, so slowly--but surely on its way to becoming a coherent manuscript, which is something I have never had before. The plan was always to finish this round of revisions, put it away and draft a new project, then to revise it again. But, as all my plans for my summer and third year of university changed, I wondered if my plan for my novel should change, too.

I wasn't sure if I should even finish this round of revisions, because the novel has a lot of problems, I don't see it as that marketable (I know, so not a valid reason not to finish a project), I'm not sure I'm mature enough to handle the subject matter, I have better ideas and a better sense of how to execute them, etc. I could--and did--give myself a million reasons not to finish this novel.

Then I watched this video, and knew that I had to finish the novel:

Dance, and especially improv, play a major role in my novel. And, because I'm a cliche, Fix You is my novel's song. And, because I'm a dork, I often improv to it as though I'm my characters to get inside their heads.

These dancers are honest, vulnerable, and fearless with their emotions. And that's hard. But, from what I've experienced, I know that I'm happier, and that I have better relationships with people when I'm that open with my emotions. The novel's love interest is also an improv teacher, and what the dancers in that video demonstrate is exactly what he wants for his students, and for his girlfriend. 

It's exactly what I want for myself, not just a dancer, but as a writer, and most importantly, as a person. And I'm learning how to be like that as I write him as a teacher. If by some miracle someone else who reads my novel wants that for themselves, and my novel helps them get there, well, I couldn't ask for anything more. But, even if that never happens, I'm learning so much more than how to write from this novel. I'm learning how to live.

I'm honest with myself when I dance. I'm less honest when I write. I'm even less honest as a person. The honesty of dance helps me to write this novel honestly, which then helps me to live honestly.

All those other ideas I have? They don't include dance, which is fine, but I'm not ready for them yet. They're advanced classes. First, I need to pass the prerequisite.

I need to finish this novel. 

What aspect of your novel keeps you writing it, even when you want to give it up? What does your novel give you that you need?

Improving as a Writer

Recently, I posted about experimenting with genre, which was inspired by the poetry portfolio I completed for my creative writing class.

Today, I got that portfolio back with a...

GRADE.


Yes, that is bold, italicized, and underlined. As a scholarship student who needs to keep an A- average to remain a scholarship student, as well as a recovering perfectionist, that is how I view grades. I will not say what that grade was, but that it was one grade point (counting grade points as C-, C, C+ etc.)  lower than I expected. Yes, one whole grade point. If my grade had been the first comment I saw, well, I would not be calm enough to write a blog post right now (and on a writing blog, no less! I would have felt even more unqualified to write this post than I am, and trust me, I'm far from qualified.)

But my professor, bless her, left a comment on the top of the first page that caught my eye before the grade did. She said that my work is getting stronger and stronger.

And then I saw my grade, and was ok with it. Happy, even. To clarify, though I expected to do better on the project than I did, I did not expect to get an A, either. The best lesson I've learned since becoming active in the YA community is how many more lessons I still need to learn. And, though I'm not new to creative writing, I am new to poetry, so of course I wasn't going to master the style in a few weeks.

But I got better. And I think I'm getting better as a YA writer, too. That's not to say that every scene I write is an improvement on the last one I wrote (and that was not the case with my poetry, either), but that, generally speaking, I'm a better writer than I was a few months ago. And I think that's all I can ask for.

What about you? Do you see how much you've improved as writer? Can you recognize and remember that, even if you take a step backwards? Let me know in the comments!

THIS IS AN EXCITING TITLE

Despite how much I've neglected my blog lately, the lovely Taryn at Hope Junkie gave me a blog award! I appreciate it so much, especially since when she gave it to me, it motivated me to update my blog for the first time in weeks. So, thanks Taryn! And if you're not following her, click here, click on follow, and your life will become more awesome. 

Now, I am supposed to tell all of you seven random things about myself that you may think you never needed nor wanted to know, but trust me, you want to know. It'll give you so many things to make fun of me for.

1. I never use bookmarks.
2. I can't look at pencils, pens, erasers, crayons, markers, etc. when I eat. It really grosses me out? This was a problem when I worked at a daycare, and is quite inconvienent as a writer.
3. Thus far, in every novel-length story that I can't actually call novels I've written (as well as in my novels), after the main couple has their last break up (which either means they live happily ever after once they make up or...they don't), they spend the night together in an innocent, let's-not-have-sex-but-appreciate-each-other way. I did not realize this until a friend was like, "Hey, this scene is like that one in the other story...and the one in the other story." And so on. This did not stop me from doing it again.
4. I love reading acknowledgements so much that I consider it to be a reward for finishing a book.
5. I never used to use the ;) emoticon. I always thought :P was more appropriate and endearing. Now, I probably use ;) more, and feel more mature for it (but I still have a soft spot for :P.)
6. I'm infatuated with country music and its culture. The boys I've had the strongest feelings for have been from the boonies, and have driven pick-up trucks. Any wonder I relate to Taylor Swift songs so well?
7. I LOVE CAPS LOCK. I USED TO LOVE IT IN AN ~IRONIC~ WAY, BUT NOW I THINK IT MAKES EVERYTHING SO MUCH MORE EXCITING.

And now, to give the award to some more stylish bloggers! Again, if you follow this people, your life will become more awesome. Promise.
Caitlin Darrell at A (Sort-of) Life
Debra Driza at houndrat.com
Kathleen Peacock at Tales of a Writing Geek
Erin Jade at write me
Karla Nellenbach at The Last Word

Have a great day, everyone!